The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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My son and his wife are narcotic addicts and have lost custody of their two sons. My husband and I are sharing the the load of caring for the boys with his wife's parents. The kids (11 & 14) are relatively easy to care for but the problem we have is with the our son and DIL. They have 3 3hr supervised visits and one over night per week. They have failed to show up several times including Father's Day. They are quick to blame us, their social worker and any one else for their problems. Has anyone out there had similar problems? I would appreciate your input.
My exAH didn't take our kids this weekend, because it was a big party weekend near him. I have had to let it go and realize his disease is not rational and will never make sense to me. His excuse was my oldest had a soccer game and that he would rather skip this weekend and take them longer next weekend. All I can do is the best by my children as I can and let go and let God with the rest. I used to obsess for countless hours and now a days I just reschedule and try my best to keep my head in my program and in what I am going to do with my next 24 hours. Sending you much love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Hey, BF, thank you for your input. I am new to this and not sure how to proceed. I've been to one Alanon meeting and found it helpful just to be able to talk with someone who shares similar experiences. You are doing the same thing and I value your response. Thank You
My mom dealt with the same thing as she has custody of my niece. Both her parents, including my brother (now deceased) were addicts. They too did not show up to visitation and/or made a big fuss. My mom and dad were great at keeping records of the missed visitations. If they were late, there was nothing that ordered them to stay and wait hours. The judge was understanding and when it became time to get guardianship these logs were quite helpful. My mom was great at understanding that she could not force them to visit and offer love to their daughter. She couldn't control so she didn't. My niece suffered the consequences, but they were going to happen sooner or later. My folks didn't bother delaying the inevitable. They didn't enable my brother in this instance and allowed him to make his own choices even if they were bad. Hope this helps a little.
You would think that gratitude and appreciation would be the order of the day coming from your son and his wife. So glad that you are there for the children. I hope you continue to attend Alanon as this will be a source of strength for you. Please come back to the board as often as you can.
Dear B, I think gratitude and appreciation went out the window with the addiction. Our son and DIL are sooooo self centered. What I am realizing is that I do have to let go of expectations. It sure would be easier if we weren't caring for our grandsons. I also have a heap of resentment about having to change course in my retirement years. Prior to this, my husband and I travelled at least half the year in our motorhome. Life, indeed, has changed for us..
