He is ranting and screaming. - Al-Anon Family Group

katfshh · Senior Member

He is ranting and screaming.

katfshh · Senior Member

Now he is pissed because "We could be making love." and I'm on the computer. @#$%!! ugh.

Path to Serenity · Senior Member

he's looking hard for a distraction from his feelings.....guess that weaning thing isn't working so well for him.

Stay calm & don't buy into it. Turn your feelings/fears over to your HP.

(((Hugs)))

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Remember he is insane. Things are changing again, child is coming home.

Sounds like he is feeling out of control.

Does not matter really, what are YOU going to do? 18 or not I sure do relate. There is no way I ever put my kids in that type situation. But that was me.

Can you imagine how your daughter will feel? Being away with not having to deal with the insanity, having to walk back into it?

My experience is the kids feel like mom or dad loves the A more than them. Why does mom or dad care more about the A than me? I don't rage, lie, act insane!

What are you seeing hon? Are you possibly coming out of your sickness from the A's disease some? Denial is dissolving?

That is very hard, but yet it is good for us. We start to clearly see, now wait a minute, life does not have to be like this! What am I going to do to change it?

Sending you courage, and prayers for your dear daughter. debilyn

katfshh · Senior Member

Thank you, last time she saw him he was sober. She has only witnessed him drinking once before. I told him he needs to stay away from my daughter when she gets home. He then went on another rampage that was ridiculous. I am praying today non-stop. I don't want the drama in front of my child. I keep praying for clairty. I am telling you, this guy is a whole different person when he drinks. He just had a crying episode saying over and over he needs to get sober. I am on here trying to keep calm, and continuing to pray. This is tough.

noclevername · Member

I am new to alanon and dont know all the rules so take my post with a grain of salt. If i am correct, AF is fiance? I don't understand why you allow this man to drag around you. I am a mother and I have a fierce protective streak. There is no way I would allow anyone like that around my kids. I don't care how much I "love" them. Even if I was married to the guy. Either he goes or I and the kids would go.

Path to Serenity · Senior Member

He just had a crying episode saying over and over he needs to get sober.

-------------------

Well, there ya have it -- he's acknowleged his need to get sober but doesn't know how to go about it - He needs a meeting - does he have a sponsor that he can/will call?

katfshh · Senior Member

I asked him if he wanted me to take him to a meeting. He said he wasn't ready. He does have a sponsor. He also has a ton of friends in the program. He has been in the program for 27 years. But, he isn't reaching out to them so far. =(.

noclevername, I wish it was that simple. But, this is a relapse. He knows he is an alcoholic, and he knows he can't drink. Do you leave over a relapse? They say relapse is part of recovery. I don't think there is a quick and simple answer for this. I think that this board and the books I read don't tell me what to do. It's why it is comforting here. I have a girlfriend that I work with that says she will never speak to me again if I don't break up with my AF. So, guess what, Now I don't talk to her about my stuff. I don't let her know when I need a shoulder or someone to talk to. She closed that door by giving me an ultimatum for our friendship. That ultamatium isn't hers to give. I didn't ask her what I should do.

My AF and I have known each other since we were 18. We are in our late 40's. I think the reason this board and alanon exists is to help us to see what we can do. Also, growing up with an alcoholic father (always functional.) I have my own deep seeded issues there. It just isn't that black and white. And for me, if I don't figure out myself, I will pick another guy next time just like him. So, there is a lot of other crap that runs deeper than my AF is drinking so he can leave my life forever now. Make sense?

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

Katfshh, I am so sorry this is happening. And of course absolutely you know what is best for your situation.

I had also heard from many people that relapse is part of recovery. I thought about that a lot. I experienced many relapses on the part of my (now ex) AH, and he said that and his sponsor and AA group said it too. What I realized is that naturally that is what an alcoholic must believe. If they relapse, they shouldn't think, "Now I'm no longer in AA, I blew it, there's no hope, I'm out. Give me the next drink." What they should think is, "I drank again. It happens. It doesn't mean all is lost. I have to get back in the saddle and into recovery mode again. Many people relapse and that doesn't mean they'll never achieve sobriety. I can't let myself off the hook that easily. I need to call my sponsor, I need to get to a meeting."

One of the problems with my ex-AH was that he never realized how relapses affected me. They terrified me. I didn't know from one day to the next whether he was going to be all dressed up and ready to go out with me, or passed out on the floor. I'd just start to relax when suddenly it would happen again. Sometimes it was days between relapses, sometimes months. It made me jumpy all the time. And each time he'd brush it off. "Oh, my sponsor says it's part of recovery." Eventually I'd think, "It doesn't look like recovery to me. It looks like a lot of unpredictable drinking." And that's what it was. He's still doing it, ten years later. In my case I couldn't stand it and I had to separate. The not being able to predict whether he'd be sober, and what happened when he was drunk, wore away my nerves so much that I knew I couldn't go on and stay sane myself.

So what I wish I'd done was to think, "What decisions would I make if I knew it were going to continue like this?" Depending on the quality of life, everyone will make a different decision at that point.

Hugs.

noclevername · Member

I tried not to reply again but this is nawing at me. To me it is that simple. You have to put your daughter first.

no clever name the remainder of your response has been deleted .

I understand that you are new to the Board and alanon and would like to explain that we strive to share our experience, strength and hope with each other and refrain from giving direct advise.

It is extremely important for each poster to feel safe so they can share their inner most fears and thoughts . They must know that they will not be told what to do or judged.

Please keep coming back

-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 2nd of July 2012 01:43:13 PM

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.