The material presented
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What about expressing that anger? Get it out! You have a right to feel angry! I'm pissed and resentful today too. **** my ex. Really. I am so mad at him for how he treated me. I am angry he has a new girlfriend already. She's all ****up just like him. He better not treat her better than me. If he was going to get it together why can't he with me? He is already lying to her the same way he did to me. He's a piece of ****. I don't want to be with him but I want him to want me and be miserable and thinking about how he missed out on having me as his partner. I am so **** mad at him! I think I need to be honest about all the messed up things I'm thinking and feeling do then I can work on them. I am not done being codependent. I have so much work to do. Just bc I'm not with him anymore doesn't mean I don't want to hug and kiss him and punch him in the face all at the same time. I let myself be deceived and think he can change and we will be together some day then I think how much I hate him and that I don't care if he drinks himself to death. Let out the crazy stuff here with us. Somehow getting it out for me helps. I came here just now instead of sending a bitter, aggressive, hostile text to my ex. "Men must not turn into bees who kill themselves stinging others." i will work to refrain from taking out my resentment on the qualifiers in my life. Instead I will share with someone safe. I pray that in time I can incorporate more program into my everyday thinking so I don't get to the point of destructive thinking and cursing rants, but in the meantime I am making progress. CDK, we are going to figure this out. Hugs. Chaya.
-- Edited by glad lee on Sunday 1st of July 2012 11:51:27 AM
Hi all. Having a rough day in my head. I feel anger today. I dont know what to do with it. Im not angry at specific things my ex A did or didnt do. Today, I am angry at alcoholism. Today, I am angry at codependency. I am angry that he, good person, has alcoholism. I am angry that I, a good person, am codependent. I am angry that because of those things, we cannot be together. I am angry that I lost my friend, because when the alcoholism wasnt at the front, we were good friends and now thats gone because you cant seperate out the alcoholic from the person and you cant turn off the codependency.. Im angry at how complicated it all is. So, yea...I am angry today. I really dont know how to deal with it. I understand its a normal feeling, but I dont understand how to deal with it and let it go. I was taught to supress it. When anger was expressed in my home, it was chaotic, scary, and violent. I have suffered from panic attacks for much of my life, and my therist and I have foubd it to be a pattern that I have them when I should be feeling angry. So, Im stumped. Stumped and angry. And I miss the friend I had before it all progrwessed to the point of toxic behaviors on both sides. Any advice? A book? A mantra? Annything? I am developmentally challenged in this area.hanks all. Hope you have a safe night.
I am right there with you today and I have no answers. I am trying to feel the emotions and talking to my HP and friends in hopes it helps me to let go. I know sometimes I struggle with emotions in general coming from a childhood that sounds a bit like yours and well I am trying to break the cycles, but I have to be more patient with those all around me and especially myself the most. It's about progress not perfection and I learn from everything I experience good, bad and otherwise all in the name of growth! Sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Working the steps for me helps, and believe me when I say I can relate to what you are saying.
What has worked for me is praying for the person I'm angry with even if that includes myself, God (HP) take my anger this isn't working for me. God (HP) please help that SOB (and believe me my HP knows EXACTLY which SOB I'm talking about).
Feelings aren't facts, however they do need to be processed and released in safe productive way. What you are going through is completely normal it's a grieving process to let go of a relationship. It will get easier and better. For me it comes in waves and every once in a great while I absolutely feel rage (I wish I could color that RED!! That is about all I see in the moment), the good part is .. it doesn't last as long and I don't need to hold on to it. It passes and I get a great amount of clarity when that happens.
For me I leave my cell phone FAR AWAY from me so I don't do those things if I type something out even in an email I make sure I put the WRONG email address so if I accidentally hit send that it's going into lala land and it's NOT going to my stbx. I can't tell you how many times .. LOL .. especially in the past 150 days I have grabbed my phone read a text and thought that SOB who the hell does he think he is?! Start to type something and decide NOPE .. I'm not going to respond. I go to a meeting, I call a friend, I call my sponsor, I text someone else, I come here and read that someone else is feeling just like I do in that moment and find ESH that I can use. It's more important that I do not act on any feelings I have, as well as acting on any random thoughts I have. I'm talking about oh I think I'll call my stbx and see if he wants to talk .. LOL .. WTH .. where did that come from? I give myself a timeout and take 20 min to just breathe.
Keep coming back, it really does get better and that anger is completely normal .. it's a grieving process. No one is going to do it the same and everyone has a different time frame. Be gentle with yourself .. you aren't odd, different or anything .. you are letting go of something (a dream) and someone (an addict in this case) it's not an easy place to be.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I am reading a book right now called "The Dance of Anger" and it's a wonderful book about women and our anger. I am finally coming to terms with WHY I'm angry. I mean I knew 'why' but I didn't really know where the root of it comes from and why I can't release it. The book is very insightful and it came recommended to me from another friend in Al Anon. I can't put it down, quite frankly, because I'm totally filled with anger and resentment. I try to remind myself that my anger is only going to drag me down and hurt me. Pushka mentioned that it's a grieving process and that's how I see it except that it's not like grieving someone's death. Death is a one time deal but the grieving we have for relationships seems to fluctuate and change and ebb and flow. One day we are angry and the next day we are sad, and then the next day we feel at peace, etc. As Pushka said(yes, I keep referring to her post, LOL) the feelings don't last and you can remind yourself that it will be over and you will get relief. Hang in there!
