The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
About a year ago I started my own business. Its really exciting and I love it. I was doing it at night and on the weekends because I had a full time day job. I made the decision to quit my day job so I could focus entirely on my business. What ended up happening though is I was laid off two weeks ago. I feel really optimistic about my future and I love being able to spend my time working my business, but.... I worked at my day job for over eight years. Everyday with the same people. The two people in my office who I was the most involved with are both alcoholics. I'm not sure if thats a coincidence. After I was let go Friday afternoon I went straight home. I haven't heard from anybody. No one has called or emailed me to check on me at all. I am very hurt by this. I've been having a hard time sleeping because of it.
I've thought about writing them an email to say 'Hi, I'm fine in case you were curious.' But that sounds terribly desperate to me. I'm not sure how to handle this situation so I can find some peace with it.
I have found honesty as the best policy, if you are missing them reach out. I have had to learn to stop waiting for everyone to read my mind and then act the way I was wanting them too. It just wasn't going to happen in my lifetime. I am glad you came here and posted. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Often, people do not know how to handle situations as you described. Your former co-workers might not know what to say; they might be thinking you're at home feeling very depressed. They might be projecting how they'd feel if they were in your shoes on to you.
I agree with Breakingfree. If you're wanting communication with them, then reach out first. Let them know how you feel; I bet they'll be happy that you did.
And, congrats on finding rewarding work! That's great that you love your new business!
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
And I am so angry. These people have never been at a loss for words. I guess I don't really want to keep in touch with them, I just want to know that I meant something to them. I'm not going to email them anything. I know its not 'emotionally healthy'. I have always had issues with anger. My feeling is that if they don't care enough to contact me to see if I'm ok or say 'have a nice life' or anything at all, then.........
I'm just not handling this very well and I know that it probably wouldn't matter if they did contact me because I would find something to be angry with them about.
Thats how I deal with my relationships. If things aren't going well then I find reasons to be angry so I don't have to deal with the hurt feelings that I have. If I'm angry then I feel more in control than if I'm hurt and crying. I don't like to cry.
Being angry keeps people at arms length. I think maybe now that I'm thinking about it this is how I've dealt with people my whole life. Instead of dealing with the issue I become angry and lash out.
I know there is a lesson here for me. I am not completely unaware that I need to work on this.
I had sort of morphed these two people into my 'mother and father' in the workplace. So I'm sure that my crazies are hard at work in my brain distorting things as they've always done.
My actual mother and father have always been alcoholics and these two are as well and I think somehow I have distorted our relationship into something weird and not anywhere close to reality.
I'm really good at creating a false reality around myself. Ramble Ramble Ramble. I need to get back into therapy.
