Q @ friend - Al-Anon Family Group

pjm15 · Member

Q @ friend

holivex · Veteran Member

I'm new too, and just hearing the replies to my initial post last night was really comforting. I'm thinking about going to an Al Anon meeting tomorrow night too. But I'm afraid. I don't have anyone to go with, and I'm not sure what to do with my three kids if I go. I don't know that kids are allowed and I sure don't feel like I can leave them home alone with AH. I'm not sure what to expect either- I know someone who tried going to an Al Anon meeting and didn't have a good experience at all. I'm not sure why, but it makes me nervous. I hope it's as friendly as many of the people here appear to be. Good luck to you!

Chaya · Senior Member

I didn't enjoy Al-Anon in the past. I didn't think it applied to me and I just didn't get it. It is only now that I have become tired of feeling so damn awful all the time that I am embracing it. I get it. I understand. I am opening my heart up to the possibility that life can get better. It's no different than the process of getting clean for our alcoholic counterparts--they don't get better until they get uncomfortable enough to change.

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Al-anon meetings helped me change myself from the inside out and I am forever grateful for the members in my meetings and my sponsor. I hoope you can make it whether its alone or not. Sending you love and support!

CDK · Senior Member

For me, I love that my group is "strangers" that I dont see in my everyday life. I dont think I would get as much out of it if I knew one of them beforehand...even casually. I, in my sickness, wouldve censored myself. Id encourage you to go to one though. If u want to go alone, she would probably be very understanding of that. Worry about you first. Yes, there may be some not so healthy or helpful groups out there, but thats probably npt the norm. She likely has a good group since she is offerimg it to you, so no worries about her.needing you to go with her. HTH

maryjane · ~*Service Worker*~

When I first started AlAnon I, too, wanted to be private. If I thought about anyone else it was in terms of "helping" them get to AlAnon because they needed it so much, just like me. Trust me. Those feelings will pass as you start to absorb the program.

Last fall I walked into my home group and there was my niece sitting there. She was as surprised as me. Luckily I have been in the program for 12 years so I knew not to sugar-coat anything and by the next meeting she was crying on my shoulder after the meeting. She was so full of emotion and could finally let it out. She looked at me and said, "I don't know why I am crying, but I am and I am feeling better." We have a whole different relationship now. But neither of us let anyone else in the family know what we know about eachother. They can come to their own meeting.

The subject of anonymity is a tricky one. I stay quite strict in my own mind. It is the matter of trust of the other people in the room. Most I trust. There are a few that I stay real silent around. They usually don't stay long at our meetings.

-- Edited by maryjane on Tuesday 26th of June 2012 11:26:23 AM

Amandakay · Veteran Member

I am new to Al-Anon. For me, my first few visits I tried to think of as many people as I knew that may benefit from Al-Anon too but it was because I was afraid I'd be rejected. I also think part of me wanted to help or rescue someone else, which is part of my problem. That's WHY I need Al-Anon. I have issues that I need to deal with but I would rather deal with other people's issues than try to fix my own. It's less painful. And I am genuinely concerned about friends and people I know that would probably benefit from Al-Anon but I have to remind myself that I am going for ME not my AH or to scope-it-out for my friends. This is new for me. I've never done things for myself that I find pleasure in but over the weekend I was able to spend a little bit of money and buy some plants, planting soil, a garden gnome and some landscaping lights and I planted a garden. I almost started to feel guilty that I was spending that money on my enjoyment when I could spend it on my children or even buy my husband, who is in rehab, some of the things he told me he "needs". I have neglected myself for so long for the benefit of others but Al-Anon and MIP has helped me to realize I need to take care of myself. I am glad I went alone to my first few meetings. I was able to listen for myself instead of picking out everything I thought would help someone else. If I were your friend, I would be offering to come with you because I felt like I needed someone to go with me. Maybe she felt the same way. I wouldn't take it personally, it sounds like she's just trying to be a good friend that cares. I hope that helps! ((((HUGS))))

pjm15 · Member

Thank you all for the helpful replies. I am so happy to have found this place. I guess that's what I was concerned about, maybe holding back details since I know her, her AH, kid etc and she mine. I will find a place and try myself first. Then I'll see if I'm ready to share w her or not. Thanks again. Love you guys!

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