sex with a drunk person - Al-Anon Family Group

callmemara · Veteran Member

sex with a drunk person

littlehawk · Veteran Member

I used to sleep in the guest room and lock the door. We subsequently made a rule that she is not allowed to be here drunk. Period. You will most likely need to come up with a set boundary for your personal space when he's intoxicated. To make that effective, you'll have to formulate a set of consequences when that is breeched. Like sleeping in the other room or going to a friend's house... what ever will make you feel safe. Remember, the boundary and follow up are for you, not him.

Hope this helps. Good luck to you.

Amandakay · Veteran Member

My husband would also try to have sex with me when he was drunk. He would get drunk and then frisky and then couldn't even perform. I finally got fed up with his shanagans and told him no more. I was tired of putting up with it, smelling the alcohol, feeling like his toy and there was no pleasure in sex while he was drunk, it was a complete act, nothing intimate. He could have had sex with a fence and we'd all been just as happy... but when I told him that I would not have sex with him anymore while he was drunk, we quit having sex. It's been close to a year now. We saw a counselor about it once but he didn't want to deal with his alcohol problem and wouldn't go back. He just recently admitted himself into an alcohol treatment facility. We will see what happens when he gets out. For me, I had to decide that I wasn't going to be his sex toy. I am his wife and when we are in bed, he will treat me like a wife should be treated, with love, not druken lust. If he wants a sex toy, he can use his empty bottle! Good luck with situation! ((((Hugs!))))

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I look back and think if I didn't have sex when he was drunk we never would have had any. On top of the fact I was sure if I didn't have sex with him he would have found someone else, I sure am glad to have some self esteem these days. Sending you much love and support.

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Well that rang a bell for me , one of the hardest choices I made was to say NO to my husb but i simply could not do that to my self again . I waited til he was reasonably sober and ask that if he couldnt come to bed smelling like zest soap and toothpaste to please not touch me , luckily for me my husb was not aggressive when drinking and he accepted my decission . I learned if I want respect I had to ask for it . One of the hardest boundaries I ever made . I have a right to say NO .

maryjane · ~*Service Worker*~

I am another one who said "no". I didn't try to reason with him, explain to him or anything else. I just said no more. It went on for 4 years until he had his DUI and quit alcohol. I initiated sex with him after he was a month sober. He said he didn't think I would ever want to be with him again. I was told by others that he had an affair during that time, but he denys it to me. Like you all, I couldn't stand being around his smell and horrible behavior and being treated like a toy. I didn't have AlAnon at the time, but I was thinking about myself.

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