Lonely. - Al-Anon Family Group

CDK · Senior Member

Lonely.

dragonflys · Senior Member

Hi CDK,

I can relate. I am lonely too and not sure what to do with myself...and my kids are home with me. I can relate to feeling that empty feeling, although I know that I do not want my AH to come home, I still feel like I need something to fill that void.

Coming here helps me. Gives me something to do and feel connected in some way. I get lonely late at night. I too used to be such an outgoing person...but I havent been that way in a really long time.

Anyways, just wanted to let you know I hear you :)

BIG HUGS!!!
dragonflys

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I have felt that low at the end of a relationship before. It usually took a few weeks for things to start looking up. I sort of got to be sort of a pro at break ups since I've had 4 long term relationships all lasting over 4 years at least... I guess I got very used to having someone else around to distract me from myself. If depression gets so bad that you can't eat or get out of bed, I might talk to your doctor. I had to do that also.

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello CDK - I've been away from mine for over a year and a half now and sometimes I still think about how perfectly we sometimes fit together, my head on his shoulder and I miss the way it felt to be with "him". Alas it wasn't the real him and NO WAY do I want him back because I can't have him without the chaos, but I do miss that perfectly contented feeling of being near him.

And lonely, man, I can relate to that one - especially since we are entering the summer fun season where everywhere you turn people are out enjoying fun activities with a significant other and I do them alone. I often refer to the donkey following carrot analogy because especially in the beginning that's what it felt like I was doing, just concentrating on that carrot, exhausting myself with work and housework to get through each moment - and it really is sometimes minute by minute that we get through troubled times.

Chaya · Senior Member

CDK, you expressed exactly how I have been feeling so much of the time. I will think of you when I am in such a state. I will know that I am not alone in my loneliness and I will find strength in knowing that I am connected to you and others like us. Chaya

CDK · Senior Member

Thank you everyone. Chaya, I will think of you and everyone else in our shoes as well. I have a really hard time late at night. I think because I have tried all day to be strong and make goos choices, which consumes a lot of physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional energy. Then, Im hit with insomnia. and Ive been suffering from nightmares...so I dread going to sleep. I read today that "Addiction is never getting enough of what you dont want." I relate to that idea so much. (hugs)

imom · Senior Member

I feel for you. I am so sorry you are going through what you are going through. I am lonely too, and I still live with my AH. I guess we are all in a similar boat. At least yours is no longer sinking because you patched the hole in your boat by getting out of a toxic relationship. I wonder sometimes why I haven't abandoned ship myself yet.
Please hang in there. Today I went for a walk. It wasn't anything major, a nice slow walk with my music in my ears and it felt very refreshing. Sometimes in all of the chaos of my life and my own self-pity I forget that I still have needs that have to be met. My own physical and emotional well being are two of the biggest things that I have neglected. It's time for us all to take control and be as strong as we can be.
Yes, we will have moments of sadness and loneliness, but we will not let this defeat us! We will survive and we will have better days ahead.
Take care. Know that you are loved. Give yourself a smile and a hug!

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

When i was first single I used to watch the movie "Eat Pray Love" almost everynight than i would read "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews or "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie when I was really feeling down. Sending you much love and support! It does get better!

nmike · ~*Service Worker*~

Weekends are the hardest for me. It is lonely. They say to look for what you are lacking in your relationship with yourself. I do miss my AHSober. He dropped by today to talk to our son. He said hello and left. And I think, wasn't there a time when we filled that void for each other? I too read "Getting Them Sober" books - they are a great comfort in helping me understand what I am up against.

So it is hot. I am sleeping outside. Under the stars. And that takes my mind off of everything for awhile.

Nancy

Chaya · Senior Member

My weekends have typically been hard to get through, too. I am finding that the more meetings I go to the better my weekends are. This weekend I did 3 again. I look forward to them like I've made plans for myself. They are also helping my sleep I find.

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

When I get busy I get better, .. when the kids are away and I'm feeling down I do something for myself to remind myself that I couldn't or wouldn't have done in the past. It's very simple things .. I water the garden, sit outside with a diet coke and just be .. paint my toe nails. Yesterday I went boating!!! That's sooo huge .. I wouldn't have done those things this time last year because I wouldn't have reached out to others the way I did .. it just so happened someone was reaching towards me. It was a beautiful day .. so much fun with very strong, funny, witty, kind, beautiful women and all of the kids where boys. The men chose not to come. All I could think is what an amazing experience .. a lady owns the boat, a lady invited me, and there we were just completely empowered no men doing anything on that boat. It was amazing!!

Those are the things that remind me I need to get a life, keep a life regardless who is in it.

Hugs P :)

katfshh · Senior Member

I am feeling the same way. Just last weekend on Father's day, my AFsober and I went deep sea fishing and had an incredible weekend. He was just a little over 30 days sober. Then two days later he started this binge he is on, and I haven't seen him since. It's like he died. We had so much fun just one week ago. But, that's the kicker...I love when he is sober, but he can't seem to stay that way. So, the good times make me so much sadder then if he just stayed drunk. It's like a tease and then I sit here a week later and I am more depressed and lonely than if he never would have had given me a glimpse of happiness. Now I am home alone and bored to death, depressed and lonely. But, still trying to remember that this is better than wating for the next binge to begin, because it always does. This loneliness is better than moments of happiness that never last.

lightblue2 · Veteran Member

I relate to your share. I separated from my AH about 8 mths ago. After a tough first few months(really tough), I applied for work and got busy. So busy that I didn't reflect on anything. I was swept up in being busy and cleaning the house and quite stressed out. Over the last week or so I have started to slow down and reflect a bit more. It has been like 3 mths of ignored feelings have surfaced at once. Thankyou for sharing your feelings. Relating to these shares and knowing that other people are on a journey with ups and downs has been soothing. God Bless

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