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Had a bit of a explosion at my house a couple of days ago. Ex daughter-in-law called, left message on my cell phone - she was in a total raging meltdown. It really surprised me cause I'd never heard her like that - son had mentioned yrs ago that she could explode when using but I hadn't seen it. For 3 straight hrs, she dialed one phone after the other leaving irate messages (4 phones in the house).
My husband had heart surgery less than a month ago and I was really angry that she would do this at a time like this -- but then I understand that an addict in full meltdown cares for no one at the time. I refused to let her disrupt my husbands recovery and did not return the calls and finally turned all the phones off.
It was so terribly hard to not engage with her because in her messages, she said we would never get to see our grandson again - he was supposed to fly down for a visit next month and get to spend some time with my son - they haven't had contact for 14yrs!! Up until now, everyone was talking and seemed happy with the upcoming reunion between father & son. She had even apologized for keeping them apart - I was on cloud 9, thanking my HP for granting us this blessing. Have no idea why she turned this anger toward me because there has never been any harsh words between she & I.
But I told myself that engaging would only cause more harm -- and the grandson is 6months away from legal age and I can wait another 6 months.
Just had to Let Go and Let God..
-- Edited by Path to Serenity on Thursday 21st of June 2012 07:05:16 PM
Good for you! I find the unexpected changes in behavior that are not typical when the person is sober to be so unsettling. It makers me feel very nervous knowing that I can't expect what I know as normal. Great for you not letting it get to you. Especially with the threats about your grandchild. :)
When G'son was about 5yo, she cut off our contact with him for 7 long years. That was really difficult but I knew somehow, sometime God would bring him back to us. Then one day, she called & asked if we could put the past behind us and go forward because G'son needed us in his life. That was a Godsend and we've had a great relationship for the past 5yrs. We got thru it then and we'll get thru it now.
In my childhood home, the only real emotion what was ever shown was usually rage - everyone walked around like zombies until something set off the trigger - then watch out! I am worried about the DIL though - her mom died a couple of months ago - she's been clean for many, many years but it appears that she isn't handling it well and I do feel such sadness for her but buying into her 'whatever' would just un-do my own progress.
I'm surprised at how peaceful I feel - if this is the new norm, I like it!!
That's really great - I know how hard it was to not bite into my ex's rants. But once I did, it got easier and easier and then I learned as time went on that most of his threats were empty and if I ignored them, 90% never came to happen. Awesome job
Way to work your program great dettachment and setting boundaries by turning off the phones to not disrupt your life further! Keep up the great work!!!!! Sending you love and support!
-- Edited by Breakingfree on Saturday 23rd of June 2012 08:31:05 PM
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
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" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
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