The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Like I said, AF is out on another binge. I haven't seen or heard from him since yesterday am. Today out of the blue I get a text from him that only says, "As___le" Really, me? I'm the A-word? This just proves how ridiculous this disease is. Seriously. It's actually almost a little comical. I didn't even take the bait. I didn't reply, I didn't do anything except for pray for myself and for him.
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Katfshh
~The most beautiful sunsets are made by cloudy skies~
I have learnt the hard way to get out of the way when it attaches and hand it all over to HP.
My exabf is really out there at the moment and it has him in its grips he has been sober couple of times and in AA for years. I have learnt that its his battle it sad so sad powerless. I have to just try and trust Hp knows what he is doing connect to him an seek his will for me. It is hard though to watch someone you love struggle but they have to reach out to Hp !!
Yeppers..... sometimes we almost seem to have to get outrageous and unexplainable behavior like that, in order to fully comprehend how sick they really are....
My wise old sponsor's words continue to resonate in my ears..... "Tom, stop thinking that a sick and irrational person will behave in healthy and rational ways".
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I am learning. A year ago, I would have replied. I would have defended myself and told him that he is the "A-word." I have made a lot of progress. I don't plan on this relationship working. But, I am going to use this time to practice my boundry setting and reactions for my future relationships. I know I need practice. I am really good at trying to save the world, even when the world doesn't want to be saved. I have had a lot of practice over the last year with my oldest two sons. They both stopped going to school (22 and 20) and were just sleeping all day, going out with their friends all night, racking up my electric bill and my grocery bill, doing nothing around the house. I kicked them out. It was the hardest thing ever, and boy did they hate me for it. But, they are both making it. And they are kinder to me now then they ever have been.
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Katfshh
~The most beautiful sunsets are made by cloudy skies~
Well done for not responding! I bet he won't remember or even know he sent the text once he's sober. Thing I'm finding is that once Iwe get to the point in recovery where WE know we are not those shameful things, and WE have regained our self esteem, then it's so much easier to detach and let it slide off. Because we have healed those places inside ourselves that those hurtful things resonated with, So much easier then to see it simply isn't to do with us at all. It's like that for me with my A dad...I just don't believe the crap anymore so it doesn't devastate me when he says something mean like it did. I see it more now as a reflection of what he feels about himself and just tries to transfer onto me. Well now I know it's the disease of alcoholism that is the real A-hole! Keep up the good work! Tigger x
The chief complaint of my ex-A was "You don't support me!" Um....
This was after supporting him for years and eventually litterally supporting him while he was passing out like a ton of bricks. You can pretty much stick a mirror in between him and whatever he calls you.
I think its really great to practice boundaries. I also think its really important to notice what is happening. Most of the time I was too fast on over reaction to be able to really notice what is going on around me.
