The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
me and my ex a are back together agin,i know its the honey moom stages we are in,we been back for 1 week,we have talked a whole lots about everything,what got us back together was he texted me and asked me if i would follow him to a job close by so he could see my dog milo, then he started doing alot of talking etc.and is doing well for himself now i didnt know it all would come back like it did as being stronger than ever ,im keeping my safe distance as not allowing him to come to my home and just trying to take care of me,i do need some more healthy bounderies as to what to protecting my self,our feelings are back strong for each other,i know im sounding crazy ,after all ive said to everyone here on him,he is takeing better care of himself as got rid of his std ,that he got from a girl that he was going with after our last break up,he has been treating me like a princess,not wanting to let go,i couldnt walk away from him this time,for i felt how strong his feelings were and that we both do still have strong feelings for each other,he told me he knew id never marry him ,with his drinking and drugs,he knows where i stand wirh him,but he really wants to make it work ,so what do i do,darn it i do love this man more than i thought and wished ididnt,which thaty was his words to me also that he wished he didnt love me as much as he does,and that im the 3rd person in his life that he has ever loved ,and that he didnt love them as much as he does me he didnt think but thats been ages ago,ill see where all this leads,he knows ill walk away in a ny min,if should mess up,all this past week we have done nothing but talked talked and talked about us about him about me,etc,maybe i am setting myself up i dunno,then agin maybe not ,i dunno.if so ill be right back here everyday,posting agin an agin,i hope i dont have to be let down agin,but i do plan on keeping my safe distance as to never allowing him to move back in with me.i can wait it out for yrs i have before,might get my heart hurt agin by his a habits ,but i wont and i will not have to worry with kicking him out agin,i just like such a failure when i allowed him back into my life agin,after everything ive said and he has done,his mom has been given 6 mths to live also and 2 mths has already passed by,she is on hospice she is the same age as my mom,and my mom aint doing good either ,just got off phone with him he had a miss call from his bro,he thought it was something bad about his mom but wasnt thank goodness he has been in past good moral support for me times my mom came near death and ive told him id be there for him too should he need me ever for him with his mom,i couldnt ask for better moral support from him which ill always be grateful for,and i know still today he will be there for me no matter what,,any esh would be apriciated here on boundries and what i should say or do that may or may not keep me from getting hurt agin if he should mess up,but so far i cant complain,,i feel like a fool after venting like i did about him,i shouldnt do that,but i never thought id be going back to him ever agin,but here i am.thanks for everything and listening to me agin,im getting what i want for now,and enjoying every min of it so far,,,,,hugs silent
thanks hotrod for being such a good freind.i am takeing it soooo veryyy slowwwww,he is going to the dr next week to get on h/b meds ,i do need all the feinds i can get here ,this is the only place i can come to talk about whats going on in my life,i dont even like talking about it to my counselor,so i do need everybodies freindships here and esh is always good,i plan on keeping my posts going here,to keep yall updated on how its going,i dont want to be blinded to this anymore ,he is treating me like im gold to him,i cant help from being scared somewhat and he knows i am and all he can do is keep trying, hotrod i know you been walking through this with me from day 1,i stilll need yur esh to keep me in reality,and out of the woods , hugs to u and everyone else who has been supporting me through this,love you all ,,,hugs silent
No matter what happens, do keep coming back here to let us know how it's going for you! I came and went so many times in my relationship, my friends were flabbergasted with me. You always have a safe place here to talk.
Boundaries can be tough when we haven't ever had any. I am still learning, probably will be for the rest of my life. For me, I had to really sit with myself and decide what behaviors I was willing and unwilling to have in my life. With or without my ex. With or without a relationship. Boundaries are proactive, not reactive. That is, I set my boundaries FIRST and if someone in my life didn't play by those rules, they were out of the game.
For example, I admitted to myself that I really do not like physical intimacy with an intoxicated partner. So, I have a boundary that any sex I have will be sober sex. It was better for me to establish this in my mind first, before I was in a position with a drunk man trying to hump me. :) Now that *I* know where I stand, it is easier to recognize when my boundary is being crossed.
I hope that makes sense. For me, it really came down to knowing myself. Now I feel like I am more immune to being manipulated into doing something I do not want to do because I know what behaviors I will allow in my life. Boundaries allow me to no guilt when I need to say "no."
Best of luck and keep coming back!
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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
I think its really good to have a boundary like not coming to your home. That's a good one! I also think limiting contact for a while is a good thing. Of course when I took the ex A back after a separation I more or less saw him every day but we didn't live together. I know that hesitation saved me a lot. I held off on being committed for six months and that holding off helped me to keep my feet in reality. Of course I did underwrite his whole life, I paid all his bills for a long time and more. But whatever I did wasn't enough. The A could really spin on reality I think its because alcoholics don't like it much. I didn't either but I now find it acceptable!
Please keep us updated. I can relate to not being too comfortable talking about my life (the reality of it) but I also know that only when I got really honest did things change. Of course I'm not really honest with everyone but I was in this room and with a sponsor. Therapy helped me some but I don't think it was ever enough. maresie.
