The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In my recent self-discovery I have realized that one of my biggest character defects is to overreact to things. For the past two days (yes, one day at a time) I have been working very hard and being pretty successful at being calm and understanding and as accepting as possible when dealing with my AH.
Anyway, this morning I was heading to my first face to face meeting in a few months. I was very proud of myself for making the decision to go. I was nervous and excited but didn't tell anyone of my plans. I told my family I had somehwere to go and as I was saying goodbye, I told my AH that I would be back in a little bit. Before I could finish my sentence, he said, "Tell your AA friends I will keep drinking when I am ready." Wow!!! That really upset me. I knew I should have just walked away, but instead I yelled and told him how rude his comment was. He told me to stop yelling since he wasn't yelling at me. I told him that he didn't need to be yelling to be hurtful. Then, I told him that I was going to the meeting for myself and not for him. I then slammed the door behind me and went to my meeting.
It was a good meeting and I came home feeling refreshed and renewed. I didn't hold a grudge and have been polite but somewhat distant since I got home. I needed to share this story to get over it without rehashing it with him. Thanks for listening!
Some people can get under my skin very easily. I don't have much time for rude people. A neighbor of mine who is very ill (terminally) was really vicious to me a few weeks ago. I yelled right back at him. Since then I haven't spoken to him at all. He will never get the opportunity to be rude to me again. I maintain a big silence and when other people talk about him I change the subject.
Over reacting can be a very difficult situation. When someone is threatening me and my dogs I react but I don't set up world war III. I do remove myself. For me being polite is not letting those kind of people in my life. I know another man who is homeless because of his addiction. He is a malicious gossiper. I have decided to just stay my distance. The less he knows the more he can make up. I have to limit the amount of resentment in my life. I don't feel good when I talk to him so why carry on.
I think its pretty important to give ourselves a break. There is no perfection.
I would have had a hard time steering clear and not taking the bait from a provacative comment like that too. My gut reaction would also be to start yelling. We are not saints lol.
I'm not sure how much the tool of "not attending every argument you are invited to" applies versus "You don't accept the unacceptable." Obviously screaming fights disturb your serenity - but so does putting up with comments that are clearly intented to hurt you.
Sometimes I find it hard to refrain from saying what I'm thinking. Like tonite, A son asked if he could bum a cig -- my brain screamed "if you didn't spend your money on booze, you'd have money for cigs" but I kept my mouth shut. :-} My need to be sarcastic wasn't worth losing my serenity.
