The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After having several MAJOR things not work out (relationships that seemed divinely planned at the time) that I was SURE were God's plan for me, I was disappointed and disillusioned. And, after having something MAJOR happen that was bad (a major, chronic illness), it was hard not to feel "Why is God punishing me".
Since then, I have decided that for me, it is too dangerous to decide that everything that is wonderful is God's Plan and everything else is a hardship that he wants me to endure for whatever reason. At this point, I don't believe in the "plan" idea.
Now, I simply believe: Good or bad events, god is there for me ALWAYS. If something good is happening God is there to celebrate. If something bad is happening God is there to comfort. God just is. God is available to me every hour of every day. I can take everything to God including anger and disappointment without fear of being punished or judged.
If there is any "plan" idea that I believe in still, it is that God's "plan" for me is that no matter what the external circumstances are, I will experience and be able to live from a place of joy and peace, from an attitude of graditude. For me, this includes not putting myself through the wringer of what did I do to cause this bad thing to happen? This doesn't mean I don't take responsibility for my own behavior, it just means that like with anything else there is much I am not powerful over.
With time, these ideas have brought me much peace. Take what you like, leave the rest.
BlueCloud
-- Edited by BlueCloud on Wednesday 20th of June 2012 12:49:32 PM
I really admire your confidence, it shows your spiritual growth - and THAT is what it's all about. It's not about career, money, etc. etc. My disease loves to argue that one too. It's about TRUSTING Higher power. That is not to say, I have not been in your shoes, more times than I can count. But the more I say, "Thank you God, I trust you" the stronger I get. Of course, I need my sponsor to remind me from time to time, it's all in God's timing, not mine. WAITING is sometimes the hardest part of recovery, when I'm ready, I want it NOW.
This reminds me of that cute story somewhere in our literature, about the little dog that begs to go outside and play. But the owner cannot let the little dog go outside because there is construction going on nearby and the dog might get hurt, it's safer to stay inside. But the little dog begs and begs. The answer is no and the dog is so disappointed, there is no way for him to understand that this is BEST for him.
Just because we don't know why things happen the way they do, these experiences have value, they can build faith, trust and humility.
Step three. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the CARE of God..... I'm probably NOT able to do that unless I truly believe God is going to actually care for me, you know? It may help to revisit step 2 (((hugs)))
-- Edited by glad lee on Wednesday 20th of June 2012 02:13:24 PM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
My A wife is a stay at home mom and has been for the last 5 years, since our daughter was born (we also have a 3 year old son). She has expressed interest in getting back into the workforce a few times in the last couple of years, and just recently an opportunity working with a friend that seemed perfect suddenly developed. Since it came along without her really pursuing it, we both had the attitude that it was "meant to be". She interviewed for the job and it went very well and before we knew it, her references were being called and it looked like a sure thing.
We tried to be level headed about it, but we both got caught up in what it would mean--a lot more money each month, a new start for her, etc...we started planning about the impact this would have on our lives and it seemed manageable and even exciting (what's that saying about "man plans and God laughs"?).
Anyway, today she got news that not only may the job possibly fall through, there may be a further complications and her friend may be "in trouble", to the point of even losing her job because of this.
My wife is devastated and really struggling to accept the concept that this is part of God's plan. I'm having an easier time with it, but it is still hard. Why be teased and pulled into this, only to have it fall apart in such a negative way? What is the logic behind this plan?
I know to question this is wrong, and I know that acceptance is the key and trying to understand is futile. But it's hard. I feel pretty confident that when we look back in the past, many years from now, it will all make sense. But right now, it's hard to understand.
I know that attempting to Understand HPs will and why I have been given such a painful road has often lead me into a negative place.
Using my alanon tools I now know that t HP's will is not like mine. I believe that each mement has meaning but not one I can see and understand immediately.
. Possibly the discussion about her going back to work was all that needed to happen this time. It is all a process. A reading in the ODAT helps me to accept this fact. It states:
"HPs will must be done going forward and understood in retrospect."
I have found that ot be oh so true
Thanks for your faith and the topic.
-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 21st of June 2012 08:31:39 AM
The teacher doesn't give out answers during the exam. Disappointment can be re-framed as a test of our persistence and self-care.
I have been gutted by so many "sure thing" job opportunities. It does wear on your confidence after a while. The important thing I learned was to keep getting up and trying again. Hard to learn to be detached from the outcome...you sure can get excited about planning for the extra money, etc. Now, I'm not even phased. I just keep putting resumes out there, networking, and the right job will come at the right time. The ones that don't work out, I figure maybe I dodged a bullet and Jedi mind trick myself into thinking it wasn't the right fit for me anyway.
Your wife got practice interviewing and dusting off those skills, and you two talked about the reality of her going back to work. The fire is stoked! I hope the job disappointment can be used to fuel her desire to find the right job for your family. For whatever reason, this one wasn't it. It takes a thick skin to look for work and be turned down...it will happen again, most likely. I hope she knows it isn't personal, thought it may feel like it.
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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
I'm in a similar position of having something fall into my lap and trying not to read to much into it at this point. Nothing is a done deal until it's a done deal.
I like thinking in terms of door #1 (My Will), door #2 (God's Will) .. for me it means realizing my pea brain can't possibly know what twists and turns life will take and that God has my back no matter what. I do not have to do anything alone. While I may not understand the "grand plan" I don't need to, .. God (HP) knows.
What I have found is that when things don't turn out the way I expect them to, .. they actually wind up better than I imagine. Even if it's not an easy lesson the end result is always better in the long term.
It's fun to dream, it's fun to think about what if this does happen and it's ok to have hope understanding that again my pea brain can't possibly know what is best for me in the grand scheme of things. I am then exerting my will.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Most jobs don't land in our laps. Most of us have to do extensive rounds of interviews and blast out our resumes to many places before getting a few interviews and then a job. It's not going to help to get upset that a miracle didn't happen. Miracles are blessings - to have gotten that job without even really pursuing it would have been a miracle. Okay - so back to reality. Maybe this was meant to happen so that she now has clarity that she really does want to work. Hence, she needs to do this the way that most adults do, get a resume together, and send it out to a bunch of places.
Self pity is the enemy of alcoholics - almost as bad if not worse than alcohol. Yeah it's disappointing but living in the solution is optimal.
I'm reminded of an early Al-Anon lesson which said, "Life is what happens when you're making plans" and another which said "A good response to how things work out might be "Oh Well!!"".
I am taken up by Blue Cloud's awareness...the simpleness of it and the truth of it...for Blue and for me...God just is.
Mahalo Cloud and everyone for this ESH. ((((hugs)))
