The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My mum has been a drinker for all my adult life. She's in her 60s now and the drink is really starting to take it's toll. She's currently in the middle of a health crisis where she is having trouble walking, her motor skills are poor and her memory is shot to bits.
I have been to a local al-anon group in the past and it helped. Unfortunately, the night changed and I could no longer attend. There are no other local groups that I can attend.
My partner is also unwell and is suffering from a social anxiety disorder which is putting a huge strain on our relationship and has ultimately lost him his job. He helped me cope with her drinking but it's now hard to burden him with my problems when he has so many of his own.
I've tried to tell myself that it's her choice to drink, there is nothing we can do to make her stop. I thought I had managed to distance myself from her drinking and had stopped fretting about it so much.
Now she has stared falling down, hurting herself, she can't walk down the stairs or even manage to walk around the supermarket. There is something seriously wrong with her and all I can think about is that it is because of the drink.
I feel bad that I have no compassion for her symptoms. Yes, she's drunk but this is more than that. I fear this is the end starting to creep up on us. She has been functioning up until now, somehow holding down her job but she is now at the stage where she is not doing anything but drinking. She isn't cooking, she's not looking after herself or the house, she is sinking deeper and deeper always with a drink by her side.
We tried to speak to her, ask her to get help. She sees the doctor but can't be telling him the truth. She is happy to waste the doctor's time with tests for this and tests for that but can't even consider that this is because of the drink.
As my username suggests I physically manifest all this anguish by clenching my teeth. I had to have a new splint made today as I have destroyed my last one in the last two weeks. I just don't know what to do or how to help myself never mind my mother.
Dear clencher, you are not alone. So many of us here have an alcoholic parent, myself included, and it is very painful and powerless to watch them hurting themselves. I know though that alcoholism is an illness rathwer than a choice...a physical compulsion coupled with a mental obsession, so your Mum can't help it...she is not deliberately destroying herself, she is in the grips of a terrible disease that won't respond to reason or sense. I am so sorry you are in such pain over this. My Dad is 76 and still drinking, although he has become a control drinker in the past 10 years and seems to have plateaued. You love your Mum, but now more than ever, it is the time to really take care of yourself, because worry makes our life unlivable. You need as much support to learn how to do this as you can get. Read the litrature. f you can't get to a f2f meeting, please come and join us in the al-anon MIP chat room on this site on weekday mornings at 9am EST (2pm UK time). I'm
usually there, and am the chair on Thursdays. We would be delughted to see you. Much love and support, Tigger x
I think most doctors do know when they are dealing with an alcoholic.
I know that alcoholism can manifest itself in many diseases. Toby Rice Drew has a number of them on the web site for Getting them Sober. The issue is knowing its alcoholism doesn't actually help that much because of course some people do not stop.
I lived around alcoholics for a while and recently heard of some of them getting really serious health problems. They are shocked. So much for denial?
Taking care of yourself in the midst of the crisis is so hard. When an alcoholic is winding down right in front of our eyes, we feel powerless, angry and upset. That's all quite natural. Being in al anon can and does help. There are meetings here twice a day, you can get a online sponsor and of course go to the chat room and post. I know that all helped me tremendously.
