The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm the 23 year old wife of a 25 year old alcoholic. We started dating 7 years ago, and I knew he drank, but I was just so in love with him I told myself it didn't matter. His drinking really didn't bother me until we got married. I've done all I know to do to get him to stop. Threatening to leave just makes it worse. He tells me that he is going to drink no matter what, and if I want to leave I just need to leave. I feel like he loves the bottle more than he loves me, even though he tells me he loves me and he needs me and all that stuff. He has never physically abused me, it's all mental. When we are arguing, he brings up all the stuff that has happened in my life trying to make me feel bad. He then brings up the fact that we don't have sex (I will only have sex with him when he's sober), and say that's the bulk of our problems. He refuses to stop drinking and refuses to get help. He has, however, started cutting back, but he still has his slip ups. I love my husband and want to stay married to him. I made a commitment to him and to God, but it's getting harder and harder. We've been threating each other with divorce so much here lately that it's tearing me apart. The only person that can help us now is God. Do any of you think that Al-Anon could help me? I know that if I start going, my husband will probably be furious with me. Should I tell him? I'm so confused!
It is so good that you are reaching out for help and that you are considering Al-Anon. Al-Anon is for families and friends of Alcoholics. It is also for anyone that is bothered by someone else's drinking whether that other person is an alcoholic or not.
Give the program a try. You situation is exactly the kinds of situation that has brought so many, many people into the rooms of Al-Anon for help. And many have found the help that they were looking for.
I would suggest that you find a meeting in your local area to attend. Whether or not you tell your husband is a personal decision, do what you think is best for you. Some folks do tell the other person and some don't.
Meanwhile this board has some great information about Al-Anon in the "frequently asked questions" post at the top of the page. Read some of the other posts, and there is also an online chatroom associated with this site.
You don't know how your AH would react if you went to Al-Anon. Let me tell you how my AB has reacted. He actually gave me very little criticism ("grrr... THAT kind of people...") We almost treated it like my Pilates classes - I am going there for me, he accepts it but does not want to know the details. By the time he notices changes. I am happier and less harsh towards him. Of course he appreciates these changes and the criticism stopped. Yesterday he even gave me advice for a train connection to a convention
It's really up to you if you want to tell him or not. While you figure out if alanon is for you or not .. try 6 meetings, during the time you can tell him or not.
Alanon is for you if someone else's drinking bothers you. It has reminded me that I need to put the focus on me and live my life regardless if my soon to be ex is drinking or not. It's helped me stay off of CNN ticker as well as kept me out of the local paper :). That is a good thing.
Without this program of recovery I would be a walking nightmare so I really can't say enough about the benefits of alanon in my life.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I am new here too. Your post sounds exactly like something I would have written at 23. I knew AH drank a lot, but I didn't get the severity of it until after we were married. I have only been to one meeting (a few years ago) and quit bc I didn't think it was for me. Now at 29, I am still having the same problems, not true actually, much worse with children involved. I don't know what is right for you, but it has gotten so bad with me that I know now that I need them.
