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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> ive sorta relapsed
Post Info TOPIC: ive sorta relapsed
silent


Veteran Member

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Posts: 80
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ive sorta relapsed
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texted my ex a ,he texted back ,just small talk,then texted all morning the next day,still i didnt show any love or wanting us back i just kept it all talk,but im ok with it,my feelings arent what i thougt they were gonna be as of melying back to him like he had wished for i know,talk tohim drunk last nite and ugh,ended up just hanging up fore it was just all nonsense ,got back from church today he had texted me saying are you gonna go see yur dad for fathers day,lol knowing my dad dont live foar from him at all ,just another one of his sneaky ways hopeing id get up there where he was but didnt happpen i told him i was just gonna call him and wish him a happy fathers day over phone my ex a said he was just being concerned or checking up on me to see if id contacted my dad,so as i was laying down to take a nap he texted me saying he hadnt been too happy lately,says that he really did miss me so so much that he knew it was over between us but that it would be better just to not contact him or talk,so i texted back and said ok.then rolled over and went to sleep,when i awoke i saw i had a missed call from him,and noo i did not call him back,my feelings just arnt the same for him,but there are things i miss like his effection and laughing and just haveing fun together ,that part does hurt haveing to do with out,he wants really bad to see milo ,my yorky dog him and milo were best buddies ive never seen a man love a dog as much as he did my dog,and my dogs whole self changes when he sees my a,milo perks up and starts being so playful and shows a whole diff. way about him with his head held high,my a wants to see him bad i said ill see,oh my but i do have my bounderies in place and gonna give him heads up if i should bring milo to see him,a visit and thats all,,he had invited me out to eat the other day said it would be on him at wendys ,i told him no but that was sweet of him but that i had already eatin but thanks anyway,it kinda upset him i could tell but didnt bother me,cause i know how he is about wanting what he wants yesterday ,no pateince,i know what ive got to do for me is keep my life going like it is for this is what works for me for sure with him in my life,it does feel good talking to him though,but thats it, we could be good freinds i guess,i dont know i though i had detached from him completely but maybe i have been in denial also.i hope im being true to myself here also is what are my ulterior motives of texting him in the 1st place.....esh plz ....silent



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Mattie


~*Service Worker*~

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My therapist used to say to me, "Sometimes you have to keep touching the stove to see if it's hot."

It certainly stirs up emotions when we engage with them, doesn't it?  It distracts us from the rest of our lives.  Maybe the rest of our lives aren't perfect (whose is?), and being distracted feels good.  I guess the big question is: is this the kind of distraction that leads to good things in the future, or the kind that takes your energy away from making life good? 

I can see both of you doing a sort of dance in those texts.  It feels good to be wanted, even by someone whose mind is sick.  I guess the next question is: where does this road lead?

Take good care of yourself!  You deserve it!



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dragonflys


Senior Member

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Posts: 107
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Hi Silent -

I am guilty of obsessing over my AH with texts and facebook. He moved out over a month ago and I kept checking Facebook to see if I could see a glimpse of what he might be doing. I asked him to leave, I wanted him to have his own life and grow up. I didnt want him 700 miles away from his daughter...but that is what he chose.

Anyways - my point is that I felt weak every time I would go on facebook, and sometimes felt weak looking at my phone and wondering when he was going to text me. I held back texting him and am really glad that I did. I deactivated my facebook account so that I could not try to see what he was doing. The days go by so slow...even tho I know that he cannot live with us, and decided to move 700 miles away and I wanted to find myself...he was my best friend in a weird distorted way. I hoped that we could be friends, but I just dont think that we can. Actually, I know I cant. If I am friends with him, when he starts showing little tiny signs that he is doing better, I would run back and I cant do that all over again. After he went to rehab, I let him back in after only 6 weeks of sobriety. Bad decision on my part, I wasnt well enough and neither was he.

I think the best thing for me (and maybe for you) is to start looking for other people to talk to and that means I have to get to F2F meetings! I have to find something to fill that void.

Hugs and supports being sent your way.
Dragonflys

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IWannaFly


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I feel your pain, you described my situation exactly, even with the dog thing. My dog would lay on the floor next to him while he was passed out waiting for him to wake up. It was sad to see so devoted to him. Funny it was a quick look in the mirror for me tho. I didn't lay on whatever floor he passed out on, but I was always waiting for the sober man to emerge from his drunken stupor to show me love too!

For myself, I am doing the texting thing as well. The invites for dinner etc. Trying to stay strong is very hard. If I were completely honest about my motive to continue communicating, I know I'm waiting for him to say the magic words to convince me I don't have to be this strong, that I can stop missing him and let him back. That was hard to admit and painful, but its honest. I'm prob setting myself up for more hurt playing with the fire.

Keep doing what's best for you! You are worth it.



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hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

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Hi Silent

Glad that you honestly shared  what is going on,  Remember it is Progress not Perfection  I found that I often needed to take 2 Steps forward and then one back while I was learning new responses. 

Trust the process, keep sharing and  Trust HP.



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
silent


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thanks all of you are sooo wonderful to be here for me,wow makes me wanna cry even though ive almost screwed up by texting him,even after he said that he missed me soo much but he knew it was over that it was best to just not be contacting each other enymore and i said ok and rolled over and went to sleep ,lol not at all the way i use to be,the old me wouldve said oh no plz dont do that we can still talk ,lol but thats not what i did ,pat on my back for that one and after i woke up he i had a missed calll from him,but didnt call back and he hasnt neither,so thats good but now for tomorrow oh no ive got a busy day and will be away from home so thats be better,i know i cant go back there for sure ,for one thing im not in love with him that i know its just an addiction to that type person i guess i dunno what it is unless im really am just missing his company when he is sober only ,but he is a every nite drunk.thanks for everything and for being here for me and all the support and understanding and the toold wow how the tools do work.and yes it very well could be just takeing energy away from makeing life good.thanks ...hugs silent.....how do you guys put up with me?.lol love you ,silent

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Dolly Llama


Senior Member

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Posts: 284
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Baby steps...we have ALL been there. It was a great success for me when I got a communication from him and my response was totally different from what I used to do. It is progress, and so wonderful to see ourselves getting healthier, little by little, one day at a time!

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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3653
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Silent I am so glad you came here and vented it out. Your being so honest is showing so much progress.

It is hard to let go! Familiar can be very comforting, horses run back to a burning barn!

But making our lives a new familiar takes courage, and ONE day at a time.

hugs hon,debilyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
silent


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 80
Date:
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thanks soo much,i get more out of you all,than i have in my whole intire life,and ive learned so much more just by my posting here than ive ever learned even from my counselor he is helpful but i do get more out of you all here so i guess i need to be paying you all instead of him,matter of fact since ive been comeing here i havent been to see my conselor anymore ,as for my ex a it wont and never would be the same,and i cant afford to lose myself agin for sure so i keep my gaurds up and idont ph. him or text unless he texts then i do text back i dont mind texting him or even talking to him or takeing my dog to see him,but as long as i think its not gonna ruin my peace in any way would i even do that....hugs i love you guys soo much for being here for me and thank my hp that i can type im so grateful for being able o type.for i know soo many ppl that cant type that could really use this program,,,,hugs and more hugs ,,,,silent

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