Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Mum - A bit scattery
Post Info TOPIC: Mum - A bit scattery
Tracey C


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 118
Date:
Mum - A bit scattery
Permalink  

Hi,

Here I am again with the same issue. My parents came to a school sports day to watch their grandchildren.  While there Mum's mouth started flapping again.  Yabbering on about various members of our family (not in a good way),  telling me what I shared on facebook was a crock of bull****.  Yesterday I unfriended her then she won't be upset about what I put up.  

I thought I handled it really well.  In the morning I said steps 1,2,3 and 7 prayers.  Plus one for fear, the serenity prayer and the Lords Prayer.  When she was talking I didn't react, snap or bite back.  Just kept watching my children and looking at the sky.

Later that night and since I've been quite edgy.  Not really sure what to do with all this again.  Maybe I'll have to look into resentments towards her that are still with me from the other day.

Now my parents want to come up this coming weekend for my birthday.  The anxiety is slowly starting to build inside and it's only Monday.  My sister and her children are coming over, hopefully arriving as early as possible.  Then I won't be alone with her.  Some other people may be coming as well.  The more the merrier then she'll behave.

I've thought of recording her and playing it back to her.  I'm not sure if it'll make any difference but who knows it may help.

Do you have any suggestions on how to handle these situations?  She's my Mum.  I love her dearly as my Mum. It's what she says and behaves when she's with me that's upsetting. I hardly talk to her anymore ( to protect myself from attacks) as it is.

Tracey



__________________
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
Permalink  

I decided a long time ago that even family can be poison to me. So I choose who I will spend my precious time with.

My aunt is awful, she is not even an A! Supposed Christian. Here we are with my 106 year old gma, while she is on her last days of life.

I was saying something about how I just cannot understand some of the People from other countries accents when I call about my phone or internet or something.

She says."Well I don't care, I want a WHITE person to talk to." I was so shocked. I said,"Aunt m I don't care what color someone is, I want to understand them when they talk."

I learned a lot about her believe me. Thus I have not seen her for years. She also stole my inheritance from my gma, her rings were to go to me.

Anyway there is nothing wrong with sharing with someone that you need positive words in your life. "You know mum I really appreciate it when people talk about positive things." (c:

"It hurts me to hear negative because it serves no purpose. I think I will only  be around people who are  positive, you know, no gossip or putting anyone or anything down. I want that in my life."

If someone does not respect that are you going to own it and allow it to eat ya up? If one does not want to tell them, they can move way away from them, not invite them.

Even when my A started talking icky, I just left the room nicely.

Ok mum I am going to walk over there to watch. Ok mom well this week end is for happy talk!

You know we are to honor our parents, however we do not have to put up with abuse. If something hurts me, I stay away.

My daughter cans say some stuff that I don't like, that is sorta mean. I kept quiet and learned she was hungry.Low blood sugar. She always apologized for being a B. But had she not, I would have told her how I needed not to hear about negative stuff.

It comes back to Tracey we teach others how to treat us. I don't care who they are your boss, your mom, your dad, the teller at the bank the checker at a store! I will say, Hey do not treat me that way, I deserve respect.

I know some of us are shy. I honestly used to be, mother was terribly shy, but she learned when she took assertiveness training how to say no, and say what she felt. I told her goood!!! Its very ok to tell me no!!!

Anyway sweet one, invite me and I will nicely keep her on good subjects. She could say oh your aunt may did the worst thing..hey mum do you know how to cook eggplant? changing the subject can be fun. lol

hope your week end is good. maybe think about things to say to keep her off track, you could ask others too also. Might be fun!

Please video your week end for you tube. Sometimes lightening up really is a good answer too. hmmmm now who can I try this on?

love,debilyn



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Tracey C


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 118
Date:
Permalink  

Wow Debilyn.  Your response has brought a smile to my face.  I'm picturing our day up on you-tube.  Oh my gosh - that would be hillarious.   laughing.gif

It is true what you wrote.  Her words do actually hurt my head.  It starts pounding away and I'm sure my blood pressure goes up.  I'll start thinking of ways to distract her.  Really it's no different to distracting our 4yr old away from unwanted behaviour is it?  

Tracey



__________________
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
Permalink  

lol a four year old? haha

You know one thing I have to remind myself to do is lighten up when things seem too big.

I would love to see mums face when you completely ignore what she says and ask her how many eggs does she use in an omelel. hahahaha

Or how old were you mom when you turned into a gossip NO don't say that lol

Hugs, I am soooo glad you are smiling. Wish I could come. I would have her laughing....or throwing cake at me....hugs



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Mum - A bit scattery