The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am trying to work on an issue that has been a part of my life since my AEXH has been in and out of recovery. Our children, 11 and 15 yrs old, recently found out he was drinking again when he offered our 15 year old an open door policy to his home. On a weekend that he does not have visits, our son went to his home and he was visibly drunk. I was in shock, and asked him what he was going to do to address his relapse since the children are not allowed to be with him if he is intoxicated. Sure enough, alot of talk about how he can drink now- on a Modificiation plan his GF and he created. He has been drinking for a year.
Because my son has seen his Dad go through about 3 MH placements, 3 Detox/Rehabs, and 5 halfway houses in 4 years, this situation is really tough on him. He told his Dad he would not see him for one month and expects him to be back in "the rooms". We all are doing Al anon, Alateen stuff, but I asked my son what he would say if Dad does not go back to recovery, and he was stuck- leaving me feel like he understands what addiction is but not how it works. Truth is, I am afraid that my children will start a dangerous game of trying to control their Dad's use. So sad to see my AEXH now have a new partner in the dance, and I am pretty angry that it is the children.
Doing my best to protect and support my children- just not sure how much is too much....or not enough....
Thanks for sharing! As an adult child I really appreciate what you are doing for your family.
Providing them with al anon and alateen is a great resource, but you canīt make them go. People told me to go to al anon to help me since my pops is an A for years until i finally went!
Addiction is really boggling and even some of the professionals who work in the field donīt get it (i used to be one!) I have only an inkling of how it works. Your younguns will find their own understanding in their own time.
So your Ex and kids dad is drinking. What can YOU do now? Where do YOU have power?
In my opinion, what you can do is be loving kind and caring for them. provide them with opportunites for positive experiences, opportunities for eating healthy food, supporrt and enthusiasm for things that they are interested in. You can also make sure you get lotsa support for yourself and are eating well, having fun, and poeple who love and respect you present in your life.
You have no control over your husband. You also donīt have control over the choices your kids make. What you do have control over is which doors you show to them.
just my thoughts. keep us posted and keep coming back!
Thank you so much for your comment, it did me well to hear it! I am setting reasonable boundaries, whether their Dad drinks or not- and I will be focusing on the things my children and I have always done- build on our lives, stay true to ourselves, continue our faith and good living...eating well was a great reminder! I just feel for them...it is tough to see them hurt....
i totally hear you one seeing loved ones be hurt. but they hafta make their own decisions and we cant know whats right for anyones life but our own life. thanx for sharing!
