The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Several family members called to ask me if I had read what my daughter wrote about me on facebook, also her deceased father. They were very upset and angry at her esp. my son, who is also a/a, but functioning at a higher level currently. I guess H/P (God) protected me from reading it because I was unable to find it, I'm not her friend on f/b, my choice, I don't want to read her stuff she and her friends share, I don't spend much time on f/b anyway.
She apparently said some inappropriate and evil things about me and her dad ie: he was alcoholic (true) and child molester and I didn't protect her, she also said I pretend to be a christian, etc. My ex. her father was an a/a. At the time I didn't know about the disease, because I never saw him act drunk, even though he did drink a lot and smoked marijuana, that was in the 60ies & 70ies, when most of my friends smoked marijuana and drink, including me, mostly wine, however, not as much as he did.
I divorced him because he was a womanizer, and I caught him having an affair with one of my girlfriends. I had no idea he was a child molester. I did try to get her into counseling when she started acting out as teenager. I tried for several months and she was finally d/ced because she wouln't talk or discuss anything with therapist.
I've asked her several times as an adult if she was ever molested by her dad or anyone else, she always denied it. She did hate or had a strong dislike for her dad, esp. after he married "my friend" a short time after our divorce and had 2 girls that she disliked also.
I have been encouraging her to get mental health treatment for yrs. I took her to mental health 2x's and she made appts. and failed to keep either one.
I thank my H.P. (God) for al-anon, and His grace and mercy, I would be a basket case if left on my own. My family can't believe I'm as calm as I'm about this. Family pressures made her delete/hide it, from f/b.
Thank you for your support, I hope no one is offended by any choices of words used.
With love!
Gettingitright!!
-- Edited by Highlyfavored on Wednesday 13th of June 2012 12:25:24 PM
-- Edited by Highlyfavored on Wednesday 13th of June 2012 12:28:52 PM
__________________
Just go a step at a time, one day at a time. And you'll find a rich, thankful life you never thought you could afford.--A Rogers
I Too have Many that Like to "Add Fuel to the Fire" when it comes to certain relationships that I hold Dear... And they believe in telling the ICK it will somehow Open My Eyes to something... I have Learned to Politely say.. "What Others think if Me Is Non of My Business!" and that Includes my Family as well...
I haven't Always Made the Right Decission in my life, with My life, My Marriage, or Raising my son, but i have always Owned up to what I know I did wrong... I have always Confronted my part in it, and said look I Messed UP! But Al-Anon has Taught me that once I Do that... I Then Must Let the Past be in the Past...
The Only Day we have is This one... And all I Can do in times when I as Realing out of control is say... "Where are my Feet Right Now! What is Important in THIS Moment, And How Can I Rise above!" And Simple Question like these can somehow keep me Grounded And Within my own Business...
Does it Hurt when I Find out others have said or done hurtful things... Absolutely... But I then I have to realize, that they to have struggles that i Can not Fix, I Can Offer to Listen... But if they don't accept that then I have done all I can do... My HP has to be in control, because when I try to take over... I always end up in a Backwards motion... but when I do Surrended it to my HP I can then Accept that My Anger & or Disappointment about their Thoughts is Unacceptable since I am Not them.. I Can Only Control My Own Thoughts & Actions... And i have to believe that Their HP will Help them see what is right for them...
You are Not alone at all with how you feel many of us if not all have been there... BUT... Your Here! Your Reaching out for a Better You, and that is always a Wonderful thing...
Glad your Here... Please Take what You Like & Leave the Rest ...
It sounds like your daughter is hugely invested in being a big old victim. That works for her to an extent because that way she doesn't have to take any responsiblity for her life and can justify why you owe her and she never needs to grow up. My aunt is like that. She has borderline personality disorder. No sane person would share all that dirty laundry on facebook....come on... Boundaries anyone?!
So, my hunch is that you are dealing with dual diagnosis here (Addiction and mental illness). I empathize with you because I do have that going on in my family. My aunt has played that damaged, victim role for her whole life, blamed my grandparents, then my dad, then my mom....blamed everyone but herself for her problems. She has never been able to hold down a job. She would also walk up to a stranger if they would listen and talk about how how crappy the world and everyone else treats her.
I'm sorry you have to put up with that. Recovery might shine upon her one day and I guess it's a positive that your son is paving the way for her.
jozie and Pinkchip thank you for your insightful comments, I think you both were on point with my dgr. and family. They are still talking about it within themselves, I'm done. One of my sisters felt justified saying she thought I needed to know, saying I could have had a stroke or heart attack if I had found out about it in some other way.
I believe the next behavior I need to focus on is my families enmeshment, there are 8 siblings still living, 2 of the most vocal ones in the name of "love" stay in everybody's business.
Gettingitright!
__________________
Just go a step at a time, one day at a time. And you'll find a rich, thankful life you never thought you could afford.--A Rogers
