The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
(((silent))) From your posts it seems that you are obsessing over your ex. I know you are hurting and having a hard time letting go. I know what that's like, I've been there with an XBF myself. The only way I was able to heal was to let him completely out of my life. No seeing him, no phone calls, emails, etc. It's hard, for sure. But it could be the best thing you can do for you. No contact means just that-NO contact at all, that includes texting. What is to be gained by texting him, talking about what he is doing, reading about him on Facebook? From my experience it only keeps them in our thoughts and keeps us stuck in the past. I respectfully suggest you give him up to HP and move on with your recovery and your life. Sending you lots of support.
-- Edited by pineapple on Wednesday 13th of June 2012 07:51:01 AM
All I can do is offer my experience. Trying to be "friends" with someone I am addicted to, did not work. I just could not do it, and we tried over and over and over. It's really not unlike an alcoholic trying to "cut back." When I got honest with myself, I still wanted what I wanted, I wanted HIM to change. I wanted him to be what I needed him to be.
Maybe you can do it. With total, complete acceptance of him as he is, with no desire to change him. I couldn't do it. Eventually, we severed the relationship completely,no contact whatsoever, suddenly it was over. It took time to grieve and heal. But I am soooooooooo glad I walked through it because today, I have a completely different man in my life, a wonderful man. Which proved to me.....
..... I simply don't know what's best for me. When I started building on the steps, building on a relationship to Higher power, that Power started looking after me and is giving me what is best for me. Life feels so much better surrendering to what is, rather than insisting on MY WILL. I'm better off not trying to manage my own life.
Brightest blessings, my beautiful friend (((hugs)))
-- Edited by glad lee on Wednesday 13th of June 2012 09:52:07 AM
__________________
The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
im haveing a diff. veiw of my ex a today after talking toa girl on my f/b about him that he had been trying to hook up with,but she told me that everytime she or he called her he would be drunk and would tell off on himself we we became freinds,which is good she is a very sweet person a has a good head on her shoulders,and she already had him figured out,now for me as how im feeling towaertd him is with compassion that i didnt think i had,but ido guess thats good i know he is still in love with me we had alot of history together,i got into his bus,when i texted his boss and told him he had std,his boss didnt give a hoot about what i had to say for my ex a is his free maintenance man liveing there with him and he has his bounderies with mark as where he drinks and smoke cigs , his boss cant stand the smell of cig.smoke,i know.well now i feel im maybe strong enoughto text my ex a just to see how he is really doing he willtell me.but with absolutely no contact just text only,i beive i can handle that,i can be his freind surely and tell him that ,he does and would understand that thats as far as it can go.and stand my ground in how i believe,.i need to find closer with him anyway ,and get or try the feind thing and see how it works he may never talk to me agin,who knows need all yur esh on this decision,ty very much....hugs silent
Pretty sure texting will lead to starting the whole cycle of misery over again. You talk about him like a drug and thinking that you can have just one hit (a text). You can't. A lot of folks will tell you they were "addicted" to their qualifier here. You might think more about how much that applies to you and how much you value freedom from that addiction.
(hug) Man, I myself am still struggling with obsessing over my ex...I want to know if he is doing better, if he hates me, if he still lovrs me, if he has gotten him some "strange" yet. Its hard. I will be honest and say that the cyber world makes it super hard not to take a hit ! But, I know know know that I am "addicted to him". I really realized it the last time I spoke to him face to face. It was a messy conversation. Me blubbering bawling, and him begging. Man, it sucked. But, a few moments later my body sure did let me knoe! It was crazy. I felt the endorphin rush in my arms and brain so clearly. I cant explain it. Then I began to notice it when we texted. My body told me the TRUTH. I hope this helps. I know you miss him, but I hope you take care of yourself. You deserve happiness.
I would have to say to myself, "Has he gone into recovery? No. Then the stove is still hot." It didn't keep me from burning myself a lot of times. And each burn slowed down my journey toward recovery. I'd get back in touch and he'd be fine! He'd be friendly etc. ... and I'd start to want what I always wanted, an actual relationship. But again he was just as limited as he always was. So I knew I couldn't go ahead with it. So the feelings of sadness and loss and pain started up all over again. So painful. And a setback in my recovery.
I think you know it's risky because you posted it on here. Maybe do something really good for yourself today? Because you deserve really good things in your life.
A lot of good ESH here. I can only recommend some work on codependency, detachment and enmeshment. There was one red flag that really stood out for me, not sure how his boss needs to know he has an STD? Or why you would be the one to tell boss? For me, his employment is his own business. Even if I was married to someone, unless they couldn't physically speak for themselves to a boss, I would stay out of it.
The hard part is when we get so "addicted" to people, we hurt ourselves so much. We put that person above our needs because it feels uncomfortable for us to take care of ourselves. One day at a time, I've read most of your posts and you've come a long way. Keep moving forward, you deserve to be happy.
