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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> still bothers me??????????
Post Info TOPIC: still bothers me??????????
silent


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still bothers me??????????
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i dont understand why its even bothering me that my ex a has blocked me from his f/b,i had already defreinded him a long way back but ive found out y he blocked me is because i had this freind of his on my face book and his cell ph,has been down or out of mins for a long time now that he has it back on,so i cant see what he sends her,i did go to someone elses f/b and saw that he is up to his dirty tricks trying to convence her that he is in love with her i did talk to her about him way back and she agreed with me and now she is back in it with him,makes me wanna tell her how much she does deserve him and him her,it does hurt me i agree cause i guess i know i could never have him back agin,but why is my mind flipping backwards ,i thought i was getting over him,untill i saw that he had blocked me so he could secretly mess with her w/o me knowing it,im not dumb and im the one that showed him all he needed to know about the comp and how to use it and i showed him all about f/b and the ropes on how to work it too.little did i know it was just to his benefit to find someone else that he could succor into his web.ive got to get some peace of mind over this ,and end this chapter with him,i must still have feelings about him or i wouldnt even be here talking about him agin.im so sorry to be bringing this all up agin but i didnt know that it would effect me like this untill last nite and i saw that he had blocked me from his f/b and back talking to her.my sickness,thanks for listening ,,,any esh would help and be gladly received on this matter,,,,,silent



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Mattie


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It just shows how sick he is, doesn't it?  And I know that feeling like you've been kicked in the gut when you see them moving on extra-quick and trying the same wiles on somebody else.  Someone on these boards says to visualize "SSS" on their foreheads for "SICK SICK SICK."

But also we're not protecting ourselves when we go checking up on them.  When I feel the craving to do it, I understand what it must be like for an alcoholic walking past a bar.  I've gotten much better at it, but I recently checked (on computer) on my ex after three years.  There he was living his life as usual.  It made me feel horrible.  Why did I do it?  I had all kinds of excuses, but I did it really because I wasn't protecting myself.  I touched the stove once again and once again it was hot.  And then I start in with the questions: "Why is the stove hot?  How can that be?  It shouldn't be!"  But the real answer is to stop touching the stove.

Wishing you peace.  The more program we have, the stronger we are.



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Pushka


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Hugs,

I can relate to this share so very much it hurts to feel as if we are just discarded and we don't matter. The reality is we DO matter.

It's hard not to check. I just know when I don't check I do SOOOOO much better than when I do. What Mattie said about self protection really resonates with me. Before I do anything I really try and check my motives and if me checking is going to bring me peace or hurt. If it's going to bring me hurt then I pass on the checking.

Hugs P :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Dolly Llama


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Detach, detach, detach!

I got blindsided by an emotional reaction the other day...my exAH texted me out of the blue and I could immediately feel my heart pounding out of my chest.

Sometimes we just don't know where we are on our detachment and healing until it is tested like this.

Take care of you...this is a process...be easy. And maybe stay off FB, eh? Who cares what he's doing...he's an addict and sick person, therefore, he will behave in sick ways. It has nothing to do with you. I'm thankful I'm not in the midst of my AH's crazy anymore, even if I realize I'm not 100% detached yet. I'll stop checking my AH's Netflix account to see if he's back from a trip if you stay off your ex's Facebook....deal? :)

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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
silent


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okay ill work on that one for sure ill try is all i can do is try to stay out of my ex a business cause he is gonna do what he is gonna do ,its what im gonna do that counts,right?and i will remember the sss sick sick sick thats onhis forehead also thats a good one ty,and to check my motives also is really good for me to keep in check for sure and to stop touching the stove and to ask my self those ?s before i do is why is it hot.and yes he is gonna behave in sick ways cause thats all he knows is sick behavior.so ive got to get back to my recovery even harder than before so therell be no slipping,like my son told me earlier is that ....is by checking upon him was what got me back withhim in the 1st place so i know that stove is hot.ty for eshes ,hugs silent

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orchidlover


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I had to switch off from facebook for a while. Sometimes we have to set big boundaries in order not to be distracted.  I know I wondered about the ex a for a long long time. Now I don't but it was a long hard road to put those boundaries in place.  I needed help and I asked for it.

Maresie.



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orchid lover
Debilyn


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Silent, it still bothers you because you stepped right into it. I mean poison oak bothers me horribly, I sure am not going to step in it again!

The only way we can successfully stop something from hurting is to stay away from it.

Like I share, I stopped it all because he no longer loved me. I had to tell myself this when I felt drawn to find him or call him. What he does and why he does it is none of my business.She is none of my business

Sending you hugs, I know it hurts!! debilyn



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silent


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i doo need more healing time,lots of it too.too short a time only less than 2 mths,whew and like al the past a in my life they to jumped right into another relationship ,hm i could never do that,it would take me longer,he is doing his best to jump this gal right off the single site,he has never met before in his life and she too she was talking to him way back when we weredoing some good,you talk about catty women she never really left him alone onced he found her on single site,i thought she was a decent person but she played me for a fool too.i guess she thinks she is takeing me from him,or him from me,she is freinded on my f/b too.and she is quite older than him lots older and she seems desperate for a man if you saw her you would think so too,with the sss across her forehead too,i dunno they maybe 2 peas in a pod for all i know..i gots to get back to me though for sure...hugs silent

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Jennifer


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This is the kind of situation ... the hiding of information and actions towards others by my exAH ... that really stung my pride. Once the blinders were off and I observed with detachment rather than reacted to my exAH's actions I could see how he treated most everyone with the same, well ... what can I get out of this mentality. It hurt to think I was not special, I just stuck around the longest for my own reasons :-/

I'm sorry you are feeling pain today. Wishes that tomorrow is a better day

Jen

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Path to Serenity


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she is freinded on my f/b

---------

why? (rhetorical question)



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Oksie


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ahhh facebook.... it has such a massive influence over our interactions currently....

I like the idea to detach detach detach....

Is there any chance you could give facebook away for a few months and interact differently with the people you care about.

I use facebook alot to stay in touch with family etc... but I do have to constantly remind myself.. it is purely an electronic means of communication... it is virtual interaction.

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> still bothers me??????????