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I've been thinking about this a real lot lately, as this is a recurring theme in my relationship right now. My question for you is this: "How does one deal with conflicting needs in a healthy respectful way?" it often seems that my and my partner's needs clash, and while I am big oncompromise and the need for both parties to acknowledge that they must both sometimes be the one to make sacrifices when the need of the other is greater. Here's the thing tho...my partner doesn't really understand this, and gets very angry and resentful when asked to forfeit something. While I understand the feeling, I find it very difficult to be hated. I must say tho that lately I've been less affected by their opinion of me. I've sought feedback and validation from outside trusted people. I'm beginning to be able to allow someone to have their feelings without fixing their feelings. It feels uncomfortable at first...like I'm being compelled to put my spoke in, but if I sit with the discomfort and anxiety it seems to turn into peace! Love Tigger x
For me, the first things that come to my mind are How important is it? and I'm OK You're OK
When I want something, and my husband is not willing to compromise I will consider how important it is to me that he compromise, or how important the 'thing' is.
If its important to me, important enough to potentially cause a rift, then I will have to say that I have to agree to disagre with him. This is difficult if its an area where he must 'do' or 'provide' something andhe wont.
I am finding it difficult to assist further not knowing the area being discussed but mostly, both views must be respected. Pick your fights I guess is another way of saying it too.
Try telling a baby that he needs to relinquish his Zwiebach (do they still make those?). What you get from him is going to look a lot like hate. Same thing. Am reminded of patiently explaining to AH that whatever behavior he was doing was painful to me and could he please not do it. He could not comprehend what I was saying. I might as well have been speaking in Sanskrit. Hugs, Temple
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
