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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Hopeless
Post Info TOPIC: Hopeless
georgem


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Hopeless
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Good evening all,

Tonight is not a good night. I keep working my program and I keep trying to fix my problems. But I am at a point that I don't know if it's working anymore. I try so hard to keep things in check and if I have a slip I try to correct it right away. Well last week I was told by my A G/F (who is in AA) that I might be making progress but it not enough. I sat on it all weekend and shared it at meetings and everyone told me the same thing. Progress not perfection!!! 

I know everything wont change tomorrow and I need to keep working at it. I know one day I will make it. I just don't know how much is enough. I'm trying not to think about what others are saying. Its just hard when others can start seeing something change in me. 

Right now I just feel like dirt and my self esteem is in the dirt. How much is enough??



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Temple


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Welcome, (((((georgem))))
This hurts MY feelings.
I think it is great that you are working your program.
Others will come on and tell you some great books to read about how the newly sober A is all over the place and the disease is speaking through him or her.
You must'nt take as gospel truth what somebody says who is sick.
Give yourself a hug.

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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread.  --Gray Charles

 
ilovedogs


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Sending you lots of support tonight. One thing to remember is that your recovery is YOURS and that your AGF should realize that. She has her own recovery to work on and who says when it's enough? Sounds a bit judgmental as we all have a different path to follow and we all work through things in our own time. Keep an open mind, keep going to meetings, and remember to love yourself enough to know that your progress is right for you.

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Struggling to find me......
hotrod


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Hi Georgem,

I can understand your pain and the feelings you describe  Please know that if you keep showing up, working the program, you will recover and be restored to your true self.  There is Hope.

I suggest that you make a serious "asset listing" so  that you can  review it each day.   When you feel as if you are "not enough ", review your assets and your gratitude listing and know that HP is working within your life.

Validate this fact to your GF and then Let it Go.

You are enough  Keep coming back as you are not alone..;



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
nmike


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There will highs and lows and there will be joy and pain. We have to go through our pain to get to our joy. Hang in there. Work your program for yourself. She shouldn't be taking your inventory.

Nancy

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Debilyn


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Well dear one since when does anyone have the right to gauge anothers progress?

No one knows anyone elses heart or how much they are working on things except that person.

This is no different than what the A does in none of my business.

What is important is how YOU feel. It does not matter about anyone else. They are not the ones who feel as you. You are getting out the door and working on things, thats great!

We all have obstacles in life, and they take the time they take for us to figure it out.

I invite you to be positive with yourself, upbuild you. It's very ok to tell another person, that my progress is my own. No one else needs to critique it!

See I am the mind of if it were me I would look at that person and smirk and say something like get real, this is MY path!! None of yo bsnss...

hugs, you keep putting one foot in front of the other and do your best, that is all that matters. hugs,debilyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
canadianguy


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Sorry you're feeling down about it, but the saying that came to mind - in reading your post - is: "what you think of me is none of my business"....

If you are in recovery to gain validation and/or salvage your relationship with your gf - then I can understand how you are feeling....

If you are in recovery for YOU, and to gain your life, well being, and serenity back - then truly what you (or anyone else) think of me is none of my business....

 

Take care

Tom



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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

"What you think of me is none of my business"

"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"

 

 

 

 
pinkchip


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I don't advocate arguing and challenging our qualifiers but just to arm yourself with knowledge further: I'm not sure how she would respond to hearing her progress is "not enough" and that is something that we NEVER say in 12 step program while someone is still trying and continuing to go to meetings and work the program. She may have difficulty saying that you are not compatible with her and that is coming out as "your work in the program is not enough." If that is the case, it may help to recognize you aren't really going to alanon for her or to fix your relationship. Those feelings of being hopeless and your self-esteem being so low based on her disapproval - THAT is more of why you are going to alanon. Just keep working the program and either your relationship with her will work out or it won't. That is really up to your higher power anyhow.

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orchidlover


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I've found making that gratitutde list really helps. When people first suggested that I was not too enthusiastic.  I now make it an essential part of my day.

Maresie.



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orchid lover
georgem


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Thanks everyone.

I wish I would of read this earlier today. Since I got home from work today I have made a gratitude list and it has helped out so far. Got a long way to go but I know ill get there one day at a time. I am not worried so much if the relationship is going to work out or not. I feel that I can't work on both myself and the relationship right now. I will do my best to work on everything I can right now. We shall see how it goes. I want to give it all to my HP but it has been rough.

Thanks again everyone and have a great night!!!

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Pushka


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Hugs George,

I like the A - Z gratitude list that helps get my mind thinking .. trying to come up with something Z is always fun .. LOL! It pulls me out of myself though, so I'm glad to hear that it worked for you as well!!!

Hugs P :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
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