The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm new to the forum and in a bit of a crisis. I'm a child of an alcoholic - my own struggles with life took me down a similar path = drugs. I thought I was better than my alcoholic Father in that I was functional. My 20yr son came to me one day and said "Mom, you're doing too much of this stuff". So I stopped the Meth and found myself in the liquor store -- desperatly looking for something to numb-out but I truly hated the taste of alcohol so I walked out of the liquor store and went to an AA meeting. After the meeting, a young girl befriended me - sat with me and listened. I told her I felt I needed some serious help and that very day, she walked with me into a rehab center. To this day, I don't recall her name but picture her with wings!! Talk about a God-send!!
Fastforward: My son & I became estranged over his relationship (or lack of) with his son we were out of contact for 7 yrs then one day (on my B'day) he popped up at my door. I had prayed daily that God would bring him back to me....I've since learned that one has to be careful what one prays for!
Son is in the construction industry and the economy has been brutal. He was out of work & needed a safe-harbor. We were so thankful to be reunited with our son but it didn't take long to see that he had problems with alcohol. He is basically a disfunctional alcoholic....details not needed since you all know how that story goes.
Today, I told him that he had 24hrs to get out of my house. My husband had heart surgery two wks ago (his 3rd!!) and I will not sit by quitely while the son drinks himself into unconscienceness on daily basis.
From what I've learned thru AA, NA & Alanon over the years, I know I've made the right decision but dear God, I don't know what to do with the pain.
ETA: I apologize for the rambling but the emotions are overwhelming at this point in time.
-- Edited by Path to Serenity on Monday 11th of June 2012 12:38:58 AM
You have brought it here, glad you have reached out. I urge you to find a place for Al-anon in your life. Do you have meetings in your area you can access?
Al-anon is a gentle programme, meetings are filled with experience, strength and hope, as is this message board.
It was only when I was in pain that I reached out as you have. Al-anon has picked me up, supported me & continues to do so.
Our lives can & do get better
Keep coming back, keep posting, try to find a meeting if you can.
Good to meet you
Love & support
Ness x
-- Edited by Ness on Monday 11th of June 2012 06:39:49 AM
-- Edited by Ness on Monday 11th of June 2012 06:42:57 AM
-- Edited by Ness on Monday 11th of June 2012 06:45:24 AM
I too would like to Welcome you to the Miracle in Progress Board and second every word that Ness posted. You have found the true Path to Serenity for Path to Serenity
Alanon understands as few others can, that the pain of loving an alcoholic is too much for most of us. .Attending alanon face to face meetings,and learning new tools to live by was so very y essential to releiveing the pain I experienced while living with my son's alcoholism.
Please check out the Alanon telephone number in the white pages and keep coming back here. There is hope and help
Even though you have love, and the love is bringing you pain, you can find help in AlAnon. So many people say that AA brings them sobriety, but AlAnon gives them a life.
I would agree about the be careful what you pray for issue. At one time when I was in a enmeshed relationship with the now ex A, I saw his mother as a problem. Lo and behold she goes to a high school reunion and gets married and moves 3 states away in a 3 month period. She is basically never heard of again. I felt like if I had the ex A's attention he would get better and I would get some of what I craved.
Instead the now ex A went on a binge that brought him and me to homelessness.
I would urge you to get the book Getting them Sober. For an alcoholic to feel the consequences of their actions is a huge undertaking. I know what it is to want to rush in and cushion the blow.
Certainly you are in the right place to be reaching out and asking for help and support in your situation. That's also very healthy although sometimes when we are heart sick it doesn't feel anything like that.
When I finally got ready to ask for help at al anon rather than look on and judge from the sidelines things changed for me. I can't say it was a fairy tale but I can look in the mirror these days which I didn't do most of my life.
I prayed every night that God would bring our son back to us - I just forgot to ask that he be returned healthy..lol
I joined Al Anon many, many yrs ago in an effort to find a way to help my Father with his addiction and as you probably know, my own issues became the subject and the healing began.
My Mom died when I was a baby so Dad moved sister & me in with Granny. She was his enabler for his whole life. I remember asking her why she just didn't lock him out of the house when he was drunk and she responded "honey, when you have your own son, you'll understand" Well, I'm right there and I DO understand but I also understand that she made the wrong choice and I will not follow in her footsteps and enable my son to go down that same path.
