The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AH has been gone for about a month now. I am trying to figure out what I need to do to get better and continue to move forward in my recovery.
My son seems like he is happier and says he is no longer suicidal. He hasnt been talking much this past week, so I have been getting nervous and worrying about him. I know he is a teenager, and mom's are not cool, but sometimes I just wish he would give me glimpse of what he is feeling. He goes to a therapist weekly, and I am assuming that no communication from the therapist is good news.
My daughter seems to be ok. She asks for daddy every once in a while, but doesnt want to call him to talk to him. She is 5.5 years old so I am not sure if she can articulate to me how she is feeling. She is still lovey and sweet and laughing so I am not too worried.
Me, I am not sure what to do with myself most of the time. I have read so many codependency and addiction books, they seem to all say the same thing now. I see a therapist weekly. I come to these boards and read. I try to make as many online meetings as I can. Getting to face to face meetings is a challenge. I cannot take more time off work, and have no family around to watch my kids. Getting babysitters cost so much so I cant get away as often as I would like.
I am feeling isolated and friendless. I try to keep myself busy. The house is clean and I am making real meals for the kids so thats a positive. I have been playing with my daughter more than I used to, and talking with my son as much as he will tolerate me
I guess I just want to hurry up and get better and not feel so stuck? I havent filed for divorce, not sure if I want to. I just dont know, and not ready to make any decision, but feel stuck.
I guess I just wish I had more friends and family around to keep me company.
Any ESH on what you do to pass time when the kids are asleep or busy doing something else?
Have you considered alateen for your son?? There are meetings where you can take your kids to if that's an issue. My daughter babysits at 2 meetings I attend.
I get the whole feeling of stuck .. sometimes that waiting time is preparation time for us to get aligned with the God of our understanding and coming into alignment of what is that universal plan for us. It's also a healing time .. taking that breath and remembering how to breathe.
When the kids are gone I try and get out for a bit, even grocery shopping is a good thing. I've been reaching out more and finding many more people reaching back. So when the kids are sleeping my phone is pretty active. I have been catching up on movies I wanted to see in the theater and really enjoying that time. Reading and I do a lot of praying when it is quiet. Sometimes just sitting in the silence is the best thing for my very active mind.
I know I have been getting out more and just really trying to make an effort to do more social things. I actually went to a BBQ this weekend alone .. kids were at their dads. I had a really nice time too.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Im struggling with some of the same things, though my isolation is pretty self inflicted. I had a thought thinking about babysitting...if no group in your area has it...well maybe thats a way you are needed. If there doesnt seem to be a "need", no group will. I wonder if you are the only one in your area who misses mtgs b/c of daycare? I bet not! :) Not saying you have to organize it or whatever, but asking if there is a way the grp can provide it just might start the conversation. Also, your house is clean? Have company! Wooohooo! Thats what I would do! (hugs)
Where I live the weather now is very nice. Take the kids to the lake, To a park, To a beach, Watch a little league ballgame, a big league ballgame, hike a trail, get some bikes, go roller skating together, identify birds, fish, trees. Just spend time together for the summer. Go to the library, zoo, fair. Plant a garden.
Pass the time doing fun things. Eventually your answers with the hubby will come if you don't try to force the issue.
Isolation is a subject near and dear to my heart,the safety of my hiding place,the bliss of not dealing with the BS .but one day i woke from my stupor to find 13 yrs had passed me by.and guess what ? the BS remained waiting patiently for me to return.If i can offer any advice please,please dont ignore what your heart is trying to tell you ,do something go to a meeting,to a therapist,to a friend but dont sit still you may find as i did time waits for no one,and this stuff doesnt go away on its own it takes work ,but the work is a small price to pay for the life that awaits us all good luck everyone!
It sounds like you are doing a lot. I know the online meetings here and this board helped me a great deal. I found it pretty hard to get to a meeting that clicked with me. I think its perfectly normal to feel a void when they are gone.
The kind of progress you have made is commendable. Taking care of the things that keep us going is so so key. I certainly felt incredibly lonely for a long long time. These days I spend a lot of time alone. I no longer feel as lonely. Being in an alcoholic relationship is all consuming. Being around alcoholics in any shape or fashion can be really riveting stuff.
I spent my entire life enmeshed with others. In order to unenmesh I had to take time to really look at who and how people came into my life. That didn't come overnight.
I think its impressive that you go to a therapist and read a great deal. Some aspects of those books change after a while. I've been re-reading Getting them Sober and found it enlightening again. I know the same would apply for books about people pleasing and other aspects of recovery.
