The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It seems to be a fresh set of pain everyday. Ive really kind of lost track of time. Im really frustrated. Ive been sitting at home alone basically for 3 weeks. I leave only to go to the store, work, and meetings. I come home, and sit. I watch tv, and come here. This is no life. Its nothing but some kind of bubble. The weird thing is, when we were together...I flew around zll over the place. I bellydanced, I hung out with my friends. Cool art show...bam I was there. I talked to people and laughed and sang. I cooked. I seemed to really enjoy myself. I dont know why this is? You would think I could really kick it into high gear now. I could do a couple of fist pumps, and dicee into life with even greater abandon! But, the opposite has happened. The only thing I can think of is that now I have no one to share it with. Ironically, he was always very supportive of these pursuits. It probably kept me out of his hair, but still... And I also think its because Im not really ready to admiit it is all over. If I go and live without him...then it means that I am living without him. I never wver wanted that. Gos, if I could kust rip the alcoholism put of him, and rip the codependence out of me...I wish I could. I am so amgry and sad that I cant. I miss him. I miss me. I know these are feelings, not facts..my choice is to do nothing. I just felt in the paat couple of days like maybe I was atarting to work my way towards acceptance, but.no...I am still in grief. I dont know how to get out. I miss ,y best friend. The one I had before we both got veey sixk. I feel like he ia dead. Im so sad today.
This is all part of the natural grieving process and it does take time. I know for me surrounding myself with friends in the fellowship really helped me to feel not so alone. Anytime anyone in the meeting made a suggestion of getting together after the meeting for coffee or a stop at the local frozen yogurt shop, I'd readily join them.
Also keeping a gratitude journal really helped me to keep things in perspective. Yes, my marriage and eventual divorce may have been painful events in my life, but in the grand scheme of things, I had a LOT of really good things in my life I could be grateful for. And I got real creative with my gratitude journal - I mean I'd be grateful for little things like birds singing, fluffy clouds... and then other stuff like that I had a car that works, a roof over my head, my health, etc. I've even challenged myself in the past when I was feeling really down to do an A-Z gratitude list.
Don't be hard on yourself. Give yourself time. If you want to just sit and watch tv, then that is what you should do. Keep getting to your meetings. Keep doing what you need to do. You will gradually find your new life and it will be fantastic.
You will eventually accept that alcoholism will continue to ruin your partner's life and getting away from that is the best thing you can do for YOU. You can't be taken down along with him. This is your first step to break the cycle. Awareness, acceptance and action.
You have a great life in front of you. Grieve the loss. Take your time. The world is waiting for you. One of these days you are going to read about a cool art show and you will tell yourself that you really want to go to it. And you will share it with yourself and have wonderful memories of your time at it.
This is why I am so very grateful I only have to deal with this 24 hour period. How I deal is up to me .. do I do it min by min, hour by hour, or can I take the whole day? It's really going to get better .. you really have to be so very gentle with yourself. Those 3 A's are a very simple concept however putting them into my life has been hard. I struggle with awareness (steps 1,2,3) because once I am aware then comes the hard part .. acceptance ( steps 4,5,6,7) and action (steps 8,9,10,11,12). That is Pushka's version of the 3 A's .. LOL.
What you are going through is so totally normal and it's really going to be ok. I'm so sorry that you are dealing with so much at the moment. I know it's not easy and the pain (pain is pain, it neither needs to be minimized or maximized it just is) .. pain is a great motivator for change. You don't have to change all at the same time .. you can just do one little thing each day or each week where ever you are at in your healing. You are right where you need to be so please just take some big breaths.
This too shall pass.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
me and my a started spending time together again but that was painful to I have had so much pain in my relationship but as i grieve and move on I hope that one day i will be happy like I used too.
I too isolate a bit when I am hurting but I alwaysattend my meeting and I have had a few fun nights out with friends it does get easier.
Be your own best friend what would you say to a friend or al anon member who s relationship at ended, what advice would you give. I think what would i tell them then I do it.
I used to think I would have to learn to knit and make my kids and I whole body suits with how bored out of my mind I was when I first left my AH. It's a part of getting away from the drama filled chaos of old. It will get better. Reading, meetings, , my sponsor, good movies and friends helped me keep my sanity in my early recovery. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
