Aloha Lalu...read your post and kinda sorta got the image that your ticked because you are attending Al-Anon unwillingly?  I did that when I first got into program and ended up with the same attitude and response you have posted here.  No hypocrites just an uninterested visitor ticked that my alcoholic/addict wife was causing me to attend "those meetings" where I hated who was there and what they talked about.  I wasn't ready and I wasn't ready to acknowledge that she was alcoholic/addict and so down the road when she wanted to drink and use again and needed someone to tell here she wasn't alcoholic/addict she came to me and I told her so and she started out on another 3+ year run and what was left of our live went to hell in a handbasket.  I didn't know alcoholism and/or addiction from the man in the moon and just wanted to say "NO!!" you're all so very screwed up people..leave me the hell alone.  They did and months later I got back into the program utterly insane and willing to reach out for help.  That's my story.

There is a phrase which is spoken in the closing of each of our face to face meetings...it saved my life and says in part "...if you keep and open mind.....you will find help."  First promise that came true for me.

Hope things go better for you.  The disease can make a person feel very set upon, angry and defensive.

Keep coming back cause this works when you work it. ((((hugs))))

Welcome I'm glad you decided to post here for some feedback before giving up on this program.  You have a right to be concerned about what you are seeing and hearing.  You'll find people who are practicing the program in the rooms and those who have another agenda for being there.  Great that you found a sponsor and great that you have the awareness not to let "a creepy guy" be your sponsor.  There really are many recovering people who have their head on straight in Alanon but like anywhere else you'll find people in different states of well-being. 

As far as your AB's immersion into AA, religion etc, you make a good point, you have a right to be a priority in his life too.  I think I understand where you're coming from and you can correct me if I'm wrong. You aren't looking to be his life but you would like to share in it and vise versa.  Somewhere communication has broken down between the two of you.  I'm not gathering from your post that you're behaving in a codependent way although many of us have those traits, myself included.  I'm sorry if someone in the rooms chose to label you, that was inappropriate in my humble opinion.  I hope you'll keep coming back and become a member of our online Alanon group here.  You can attend meetings here too.  I found I learned so much about the disease of alcoholism and its effects on family through this board and meetings here.  I am very grateful to be a part of this fellowship. 

Sometimes doing some readingg in the first three steps helps me get my serenity back when I feel I'm losing it.  I hope that suggestion is helpful.  Thanks for your share.  TT

I am surprised to hear that Al-Anoners are telling you to walk away.  One of the principles of Al-Anon is that we must all find out own way forward and that that way will be different in every situation, so we should not give advice.  Sometimes advice slips out, but my experience is that that happens very rarely.  I know that some meetings are better than others.  The first meetings I went to weren't very inspiring -- one was very dull and almost nothing happened, one was totally disorganized, etc. -- so although I didn't have the experience of being told what to do, I started out by giving up on Al-Anon until my life became unmanageable and I came on back. 

So it's hard to tell what's happening with the meetings you've gone to.  You could have hit a series of bad meetings.  You could be misunderstanding what the people are saying -- we've all had that happen.  It could be that your understandable resentment about the situation has led to a focus on the less helpful parts of the meetings.  Could be all of the above or none of the above.

You might want to look at the books Codependent No More and Getting Them Sober.  Those have the same approach as Al-Anon.  If you can see how those works, you'll get an idea for what the real Al-Anon approach is.

It sounds as if the sponsor you've found isn't such a good match, but if she's a good person (though not a perfect match), she might be able to give some suggestions on how to find the kind of thing in Al-Anon that might really be useful to your situation. 

Wishing you the very best.

I have never experienced any of those negatives at meetings, so don't know how to relate to that, other than my story is similar to what Jerry said - when I first went to Al-Anon, I hated it, thought the people were all wacko, and I went away for over a year, and my life/serenity became even more unmanageable..... when I went back the second time, I found the meetings/people to be loving/supporting/uplifting - funny thing is, they were the same people!!

One thing about sponsorship - you may have to practice some patience with that whole thing....  Having a sponsor is a wonderful aid to your recovery, but the selection of one should really be a unique and personal choice - try finding someone whom you really find you relate to, and see if they will sponsor you... this may take a half dozen meetings (or more)....

Take care

Tom