The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The past week has been rough, no doubt. I have been a rock. But today, I finally broke down. I allowed myself to break down, but I had a short time of feeling guilty about being emotional. That website I posted a link to this morning helped me through today.... and all of the support I feel in Al-anon and this board.
Today, we had to put our newest rescue down. A little wire-haired dachshund we saved from an abusive and neglectful home, named Pinky. E loved that little dog so much. She called me at work and said she needed me to be there for her. (That I believe has never before happened) I got off work early and started driving, when it hit me. All the @#%# I've shouldered for the past few months, the recent ER visit for a hernia scare E had, my painful kidney infection which is still active and Pinky's illness topped with lack of funds for all of the above mentioned events...
I did the only logical thing one can do in this type of situation; I called my mother. She answered the phone and informed me - before I could tell her why I called - that my Dad was in the ER and had arrived via ambulance earlier in the morning.
Something about a pancreas and him vomiting non stop all morning..... and I lost my ever loving MIND. I wept like a newborn baby in my car all the way to the vets office. I felt incredible guilt for calling E and being "weak" on a day she needed me to be her rock.
On my arrival, she became my rock when she saw my eyelids were swollen nearly shut. That has never happened, either. We got through that terrible event by independently working on our own recovery, so that we could COPE with the events that would normally have set off a horrid domino effect of addiction and codependency. ........and THAT I can stand proud of.
All the posts I read every day on here and meetings (that I am rarely free for) help me every day, and i applaud all who post for being brave enough to share their intimate stories with us all, that we might help each other help ourselves.
My dad did stabilize before I left him. Fever went from 104 to 100.3 and he was flirting with all of the nurses. Tomorrow, they see what's going on in his pancreas and gall bladder. He is a bull, but he is 82. So please, if you will all take a moment and send some love into the Universe for my Dad. Frank B.
Peace and love to you all, and thanks for reading my long winded posts
__________________
"Everything that has ever happened to us is there to make us stronger." - John Trudell
I will surely pray for your father! When my dad went into hospice back in December, my dog was ill and I had to travel across the country to the funeral. My grandmother was in the hospital in FL on a ventilator and I literally felt at the end of my rope. Dad dies, the dog is on her last legs literally, and I might lose the matriarch of my family, UGH! It was all too much for me and I wept bitterly.
The good news about all this is that: my dad is at peace finally after years of cigarette smoking and drinking took it's toll on his 62 years here on earth. My dog is still here, she's like a cat and must have 9 lives because we've been battling one infection after another with her, and my grandmother (God bless her) is doing well on nitro patches but they are still trying to figure out why she stroked out AND had the heart attack at the same time. And, I am still here trying my best to take it one day at a time!
You're doing great. Keep working your program, forget the guilt, and know that I'm sending hugs and prayers your way!
Wow you are going through so much heart hurting emotions! Yes losing our animal friends/family is horrible. We never have them long enough. We are left behind with that spot next to us where they should be. I invite you to get another one to fill that space, never takes the place.
Someone did this for me, I had NO idea how much it would help me. It saved my life.
It is sooo hard to have our parents so ill. They are part of us. We want to hang onto them, do something but we can't. Just give mom and dad lots of hugs, sit close. listen, ask questions. When my Gma was on her last two months, I kept a journal and wrote down all kinds of stories and stuff.
Your mom will need lots of love too. I put my arm around my loved ones a lot when things were happening. I know i need that.
Its good to break down. We need to let it out. It hurts so very much.
I am glad you are here and share all you like. And please YOU be careful when you drive and everything. Make sure you eat drink and rest. Your family needs you to be as strong as you can. But its ok to feel what you do. love,debilyn
__________________
Putting HP first, always <(*@*)>
"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."
Hugs, prayers sent .. Being human rocks!! Sending love and support!! Hugs p ;)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Aloha Littlehawk...in my culture rocks (pohaku) have spirit (mana) and so there you are. Pule O ka makuakane...prayers for your father. May his journey go on forever. (((((hugs)))))
Thank you all so very much. All your prayers are well received. Still waiting on the doctors to decide how to proceed. They still aren't 100% sure what's going on.
Jerry: thank you. In both of my cultures (Cherokee and Celtic) rocks also are alive and have spirit. But I hadn't thought to relate that in any way to current situations. I think it's a concept to consider.
Peace to you all
__________________
"Everything that has ever happened to us is there to make us stronger." - John Trudell
Little Hawk: My HP has really given me more compassion & empathy since my dad passed away in December. I really feel for you & I will pray for you & your dad. Hang in there!