Ok you won't  just wake up one day and know you can live with the A and all their A baggage. Doen't work that way.

It takes lots and lots of work. Al Anon meetings, message board, reading books, watching movies etc. It is putting to practice all the tools you have learned.

Like riding a bike, you will fall a lot but each time it gets easier as as time goes by it becomes natural for you.

One example, you set up a room for yourself, even a corner in the garage or barn. Its YOUR place to read or draw or paint or nap whatever. Start going there just to go there. Maybe keep an animal or plants there you need to care for. Then when his disease is where you do not want to be in the room, its natural for you to go in there.

YOu don't just go there when the A is raging. It is your serenity place.

Or start leaving to somewhere. Family, go to the library whatever.

You really learn to respect he is an A, he is sick. YOu will look at him differently. He cannot help that he is sick. But you can learn to live with it.

You make up your boundaries. I did not cook for him or do his wash when he was not being respectful. I made no big deal out of it. I felt better to take care of just me.

If we were talking and he began the I am going to burn down the house, I would say ok the matches are on the mantle by the insense. I am going to go read honey.

NEVER responding in a mean way, just matter of fact. NO use you are just yelling at a symptom of his or her disease.

You learn not to take it personal, as it is not personal. LIke I said it takes time and tools to do this and get to where it is all natural.

I was very content, sometimes it was hard too! The reason I had to stop was he got physically abusive, was out of his pea picking mind.

I chose to do this becuz I loved him, but mostly I promised God the creator. I hung in until I could not.

It takes saying in your head, ok don't respond its the disease back, smile and dust something or say I am going to go water the flowers, whatever.

It also depends on the person honey. Mine was a quiet guy. He did not follow me around. I knew when I stopped it I would never see him again as that is how he is. He is so embarrassed, feels so guilty.

So hon again you will know because you will make it so by Al Anon skills and your willingness to make that commitment.

hugs,debilyn

Country Girl...find out where and when we get together in your are and come sit with us in the face to face meetings cause the meetings, the literature and our program has the solutions you need.  If you are not attending face to face meetings...go to the white pages of you local telephone book and get the hotline number for Al-Anon and call as soon as you can.  There are solutions.  Welcome to the board cause some of the most powerful and knowledgeable members haunt this place and are willing to support others constantly.  I am truely grateful for it.  (((((hugs)))))