The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I never thought I'd see the day. I've heard about it many times in the rooms of Al-Anon and here on the message board. But it was one of those things I'd sit and think... "hmm... well, no one in my family has done that. Wow."
And yet as I open my email this morning, there one sits.
And I am sooooooo glad for Al-Anon because I know I don't have to jump into the drama the A is trying to stir up and become a part of the mess. I get to stand back, pause, examine my motives, ask myself "how important is it?" and if this is really any of my business, think it out through typing here, maybe process it verbally at a meeting tonight, talk with my Sponsor about it. But ultimately, I'm not obligated in any way to respond.
It's so wonderful knowing I'm off the hook, really. Haha.
The long and short of it is my cousin is upset because my father and brother made a decision they didn't want to hang around the family if they're going to be smoking pot (several family members now have obtained green cards for medicinal use and apparantly they were smoking it like chimneys over last Thanksgiving.)
Why my cousin decided I needed to be copied on this issue that's clearly between my brother, father and the smokers is beyond me, only that she felt compelled to tell me that when I come out for a visit this summer that it might be near impossible for the whole family to get together for a visit while I'm there because it's totally my dad and brother's fault. Haha.
Eh.
Well, if that's the case then that's the case. I'd still like to see my extended family - sans pot smoking would be nice, but I don't know if that will be possible. It's like getting together with an alcholic and expecting them not to drink in your presence. Helloooooo... yeah. Not reasonable whatsoever.
Gosh, I've got stuff to think about, I guess, before I head out for my visit. It's a couple months away still, so thankfully I have a lot of time to work with my Al-Anon tools to see what's going to be a happy situation for me.
But yeah, real glad I understand that what's going on with my father, brother and the pot smokers is between them and has absolutely nothing to do with me. I don't need to fix a thing where that's concerned. That's their relationship to work on or not.
Aloha...Aloha...Your vision seems to be better than 20/20!! I had to work a long time to get to your current position myself and my sponsor was great...asking me questions about perspectives...the How do you see it now? questions.
Your Dad and Brother seem to have set boundaries regarding who and what they want to be around. How very programish don't you know. Kinda, sorta what I would choose to do today; and like the past those who object get blamed for causing the ruckus. Give her a hug and a meeting schedule or maybe all of them. LOL Oh wait...not your job huh?
LOL ... I'm soooo sorry I had to snort laugh when I read your post Aloha! What fantastic growth, what a fantastic program!! Thanks for the share, .. sometimes all you have to do is bring the popcorn and watch the movie. You get to decide how long to watch and you don't have to participate. It's not a Rocky Horror Picture Show!
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Aloha, my AH's family too is very dsyfunctional and there is always drama. I have made great strides in learning how not to jump into the fray in their drama. After many years of getting involved when I shouldn't have I have finally learned to just ignore the drama. I can't remember the expression exactlyt that I read here but I love it, something like 'your crisis does not constitute an emergency for me'. That one always helps me get my mind in the right place as I know I am a 'fixer' and my first response to other people's problems has always been to jump in and try to fix. I realize at this point in my recovery that their problems are theirs and I am much happier when I don't get involved. Good post, thanks.
