It's been awhile since I've checked in...end of school year rush has given me lots of non-A things to focus on (which is good!).

I definitely feel like I'm working my program fairly well, and seeing meaningful results.  I've started doing several things that help keep me from obsessing/focusing on my AH's drinking, and it has been a real example of faking it til I made it.  I am feeling MUCH better about just turning his problem over to him.  He made yet another comment last week that he is "thinking about" going back to AA.  I gave the standard "that sounds like it would be good for you," and said absolutely nothing else.  Because until he takes action, they're just words (but still a baby step toward him choosing recovery).

I'm trying to use a lot of the program tools in my dealings with my ex-husband, too, and it's absolutely helping.  He may not be an A, but he is a hot mess and can be so exhausting.

I'm working on cultivating real-life friendships.  My best friend lives about 90 minutes away, and we agreed to work extra hard to get together with the kids for dinner at least once every 6 weeks or so.  We've done it twice since late April, and it has been great.  I'm trying to come out of my shell at work more.  Now that my mom's memorial service is done, I feel like I'm much more able to process my grief and find ways to be joyful and grateful.  On Mother's Day, I spent about 10 minutes feeling sorry for myself that my AH didn't get me a gift, and then I decided to just enjoy my children and all the handmade gifts they made for me at school/daycare.

Most importantly, school is out tomorrow, which means my daughters will be here a lot more often, which I am thrilled about!  We have had some really good times recently; just talking and spending time together, and I chaperoned my 9-year old's field trip yesterday and had a fantastic time.

Nothing has really changed with my AH's drinking, or how little he helps around the house.  He HAS been obviously making an effort to keep his temper under control at home since his last blowup in late April, which is good, but I also have zero expectations about how long it will last.  When he does blow up at me again, I'm just walking away from the situation.  I don't have the energy for it anymore, and I'm having too much fun enjoying other parts of my life to let his crap bring me down.

Finally, I expect to receive a small payout in June or July from a profit sharing plan at my old job.  I'm sticking that money somewhere private to use for a lawyer, if/when it gets to that point.  Knowing that I will have that security measure in place has also done a lot for my anxiety levels.