Friday was hard.  He cried, I cried, we talked a lot.  I talked with my RBF that night a long time, I was very depressed, sad, hurt and emotional because I don't care how old our kids get, they are our babies and sending him away was excruciating.

RBF made the note that I've made before my son has very similar behaviors to an alcoholic, as does my ex (who actually is one now but was dry for our 15 year marraige).  Very self destructive, doesn't see how they affect others, doesn't pay attention to the impending doom warning signs and just continue to spiral no matter the level of "pain" (for a kid that looks like consequences).

So my son is doing well.  He is living a life free from electronics (except a little TV time), and will no longer have long periods of time "home alone" to engage in his behaviors.  He will be working with his great-aunt on her dog walking business (he loves animals, perfect for him), helping her with projects, we're trying to set up independent study for summer school and as long as he's behaving and listening he can swim, go to the beach and be outside and alive!  He was sounding more and more up beat as the weekend went on.

I am going to be engaging him with life at home.  I want him to see what he is missing here.  For instance, he's my horse lover along side me, well one of the horses had her baby Thursday and I sent him pics of the little dude.  He was so angry with me! He calls me up says "that's not fair, I won't get to see him little ever because I'm here" and I said "yes you are going to miss things, but would you rather I leave you out of everything and keep it all like a secret, or would you rather know what's going on?" and he didn't answer me but I know he wants to know. 

I'm not doing this to rub anything in.  I need this kid to activate his "give a crap" internally and connect to the world again.  So little bits like this - getting him to have emotions over things, he needs this.

He'll come home for holidays.  He did one project this weekend and sanded a table for her.  I think honestly, this is exactly what he needs.

And to further solidify that we KNEW his behaviors were headed in a bad direction - we found a lot of stuff in his room he'd taken from his brothers, I found hidden sodas and items of mine that he'd taken.  It was not surprising but disappointing.

Anyway I won't be doing lots of updates but I'm now fully OK with this and really think this is going to be a good thing.  And while it felt great, it's sad to see - my house this weekend with just the other two boys was peaceful, calm, relaxing and enjoyable.  The two of them got along great, there were a few scuffles they handled on their own.  Usually with the 3 together it's just constant chaos because my middle son provokes, taunts and instigates 24/7 because he thinks it's funny.  Which puts me on edge and the whole house is tense a lot.

So that's another added benefit.  A little break AND his brothers even expressed missing him a little.  That was a surprise!  Thanks again for all the fantastic input I got on the other post.  It helped me sort through.