The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
OK, they are old ones, but I can very conveniently forget and go back to living my life as if it were a dress rehearsal.
Pinkchip got me thinking, and here was my first thought: Whenever I start obsessing about Him and His faults I must remember that I was and am one sick Pussy Cat, else I would never have married him in the first place. Cause although I had no idea he was an Alcoholic, there were plenty of red flags up the pole. Who I am married to and what shape my friends are in says more about me than I sometimes care to admit. My friends are pretty fine, BTW, with the exception of one who is all over the place. When I "raise my vibration" enough, as the New Agers would say, that friendship will have run its course and will cease.
Second thought: When I am obsessing about him, it is because I am avoiding looking at myself and all the ways I could be improving myself, body, mind and spirit. I wonder if that isn't really the big hook for people like me--I can be with you and be so obsessed with helping you or fixing you or or trying to control you that I won't ever have time to examine my own flamingly obvious problems/flaws/shortcomings/lack.
Now I will see what I do with all of this good information.
Thanks for indulging me.
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
Thank you for your honesty, and hopefullness too. I recognize myself very much in those thoughts. I think I used my A for that very purpose, and I believe he used me for those reasoms as well. I dont know about anyone else, but facing myself is facing.a really.nasty monster. I have such hate for myself. I hope to someday figure out where it omes.from. Thank you.
Sweetie, No hating on yourself! Does no good. Doesn't improve you, your surrounding nor the Universe. You might want to read some of A Course in Miracles. Or Eckhart Tolle. The thinking is, nobody can do anything to us, because we are all a part of the whole. And by the same token, we can't do anything to anybody else, either. It might jar you out of your normal thought patterns long enough to let in other possibilities than self-hatred. And btw, isn't that a byproduct of perfectionism? Which is also a no-no? Or in the case of A Course in Miracles, some parts of it may make you mad enough that you decide you prefer yourself to the crazy things it says. Lots of people find themselves throwing the book at the wall at some point. Does give you some things to think about. Starts off by questioning all the things you think are true and real. Later gets into some really mind-blowing stuff, like it isn't love if you don't feel it equally for everybody on the planet! That will open up a person's head--or make her mad as a hornet. I still can't grasp that one, but I'm sure it is possible for a totally enlightened individual. Thanks for posting. Everybody's posts are helping me so much.
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
I get this well. I went through this early on when I left my ex. The realization led me to intense therapy and time away from relationships and learning to focus on me. It feels and sounds like "self hate" when we do this but if we can just recognize that it's the bottom step of a tall staircase and we "fell" there and now we can finally climb out to a new place.
I used to self sabatage myself and still once in awhile fight my old reocurring eating disorder when in high stress mode. The best thing I ever did was focus on myself and get to looking in all those deep dark closets within and you know what I discovered? All the shame and fears I had about it were put to rest and they weren't that terrible and I am not that bad. I have work to do, but I am doing the best I can everyday! Dive into self care, self love and keep at working your Al-anon program and fake it til you make it if you have to. Sending you much love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
