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I know he will have only been gone for 48 hours but I am not ready for AH to get home in the AM from jail. He will be home tomorrow during the day and then has to go back for the last night before they release him. I am nervous and don't know what to expect. I would like to think that he'll be humble and a bit depressed but there's a possibility that he'll be angry and ticked off that he can't drink for the next 12 days.
Also, I don't even know what to say since a part of me is ticked off at him getting himself into this predicament with his drinking to begin with and yet there's the codependent me who wants to make a big welcome home breakfast and be compassionate. Unfortunately, I think that sends the wrong message. UGH. I have no idea what I'm doing here, LOL!
I get that you're confused and aren't sure what to do. I'm not sure what I would do either! Well...I'd probably just give myself a lot of space from the AH. We never know what mood they will be in, so I tried to set my own mood first and not let the atmosphere dictate my state of mind. Hard. Try and focus on yourself and how you're feeling...and as always, take care of *yourself*. If you need some space while he is home, maybe think of some things you would like to do that would get you out of the house. I think if I were in your situation, I would just treat it like any other day and go about my business.
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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
Whatever his mood is ILD you do not have to base your mood on what he may or may not do. He comes home from jail you are allowed to have a good day even if he is having a bad one.
It's one day out of many more left in this year.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I know you both are right, but I guess I keep wondering if I greet him, how I greet him, etc? Stupid, I know, but things haven't exactly been good between us these days anyway.
On a better note: I booked our 3 week trip to FL tonight and managed to get a good deal on a rental car. I also talked to my grandmother and she's excited that we're coming down. This is another thing I need to discuss with AH. He really wasn't too supportive of this trip but I need a break and I don't care about the cost. I spent that much last summer on tennis travel and tournaments for our son anyway so this shouldn't be a big deal in the long run. I am also debating telling my grandmother about some of what is going on as I think she'd provide me with some great feedback and support.
ILD - My best suggestion would be the tactic of "Do you want to talk?" and then just listen for the most part. You don't have to bring your feelings into it or overreact to whatever his feelings may be. He will either rant or say he doesn't want to talk or act all huffy...whatever. I guess there is a chance he might have some profund thoughts but doubtful. If you offered him the chance to communicate - You kept your side of the street clean.
Good morning ILD, I have been in that position many times, my AH did 22 weekends almost in a row and each time he came out was a new experience. This was one of many jail terms!! I was always the one who would drop him off and then pick him up so it was never where he just walked in the house after a jail stint, I had to face it head on and what worked for me was--- I said nothing but hello and let him talk of he wanted or needed too. I'm not saying he did not deserve to be where he was nor am I condoning any attitude he may try and dish out on you when your AH does come home, there will be a slight adjustment to him walking out of jail even if it was only a weekend. I never nor would I ever have a welcome home greeting waiting for him, but my reasoning was I was pissed that "he" was putting me through anxioty of wondering if he was going to be ok in there and worry.......yes instead of enjoying my weekend to myself I worried until maybe the last 6 weekends. I am so happy for you that you have booked a vacation and for "me" if my AH was not supportive of a trip or get away that I desperately needed, I would say "see ya when I see ya"! Is your trip going to be relaxing with him there? I hope you think of "YOU" and not him!! There is nothing wrong with you going to visit your grandmother just you and your son. I hope you find peace and have a lovely vacation because YOU deserve it!!!
Thanks Michelle, and everyone else for the support. He came home in the middle of the night last night and scared the crap out of me! I was tiptoeing around the house with a bat thinking someone broke in, LOL! I greeted him hello and he grunted and said he needed to shower. This AM I found him asleep on the couch so I kissed him hello and told him to go sleep in the bed if he still needed to rest. I am not going to ask if he wants to talk about it, I think I'm just going to wait a few days for him to process everything. I believe he still needs to go back tonight, too, so maybe tomorrow or later in the week will be better for conversation.
As to our trip. Oh, my trip will be very relaxing without him there. Honestly, I am so used to traveling without AH that I don't know how to travel with him, LOL. We've traveled to FL for the past 2 summers without AH anyway, it's just that this time it will be for 3 weeks instead of 1.
WOW--see, all that hypothesizing and analyzing about what to do or say and in the true sense of an alcoholic--he surprises you! (hugs) and Good luck....Be gentle on yourself (and on him I suppose--he has probably been through mental hell). Best wishes!!!
