TRADITION 3 - Al-Anon Family Group

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

TRADITION 3

fixitall · Newbie

Hi Betty,

My name is Peter, Al-Anon member in the Netherlands and looking for some shares on service work, especially when it comes to tradition 3.

This is what happened to me:

Doing service work for our group, I take calls of people that want to contact our group for their first meeting. Last time someone contacted me and asked if she could bring a friend. I told her that was fine.

Later I got into a discussion with a fellow member who told me that was not according tradition 3. After some debating we agreed to disagree, but I am still looking for shares of people that struggled with the same situation.

This is how I felt:

As a contact person I don´t feel I have the right to tell anyone if they belong or not belong. That´s up to them.
As a contact person I feel I can make it clear to the newcomer what the program is for: it´s for people that are affected by alcoholism in a family member or friend and that want to work with the Al-Anon program to improve their lives.

So, when it comes to the question: is it OK if I bring someone, I would answer the following (after thinking about it)

If your friend should come is up to him. He needs to realize though that the people in the meeting are there because they are affected by someones drinking and they want to work the program. They expect the other members to be there for the same reasons. That´s the only way the program works.
However, when your friend is essential for you to take the first step, I feel that is more important than anything. Once you are comfortable coming to the meetings, your friend can still decide if he wants to continue the program and until then he needs to make sure he respects the meeting guidelines and does not hinder the program.

I get conflicted when I read about tradition 3 and 9. I definitely do not want to be a police man. This is not how Al-Anon works. But there are boundaries according to the traditions, it makes the program strong and effective.

So how to act on that?

Love to hear others experiences on this topic.

Peter.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello Peter

I agree with all the points that you have presented and believe that you took the right path in agreeing to allow the newcomer to bring a friend to the meetings. Truth be told I think the simple requirement of having a "FRIEND "or relative affected by alcoholism, is very general. and all inclusive I do not believe there is anyone on this planet who does not have a" friend or relative" affected by this disease.

I understand the de lima that you have encountered and have held this discussion often with many alanon members. I love the reading in the Courage to Change that speaks directly to this issue

Page 368 states:

"I went to my first alanon meeting because I wanted to show support for a close friend who was a member

To my surprise, I found myself identifying with what almost everyone shared, I could not understand this because I DID NOT KNOW ANY ALCOHOLICS., For weeks I remembered what I heard in that meeting and returned and stayed, I felt like an imposter each tine I heard the 3RD tradition which states:" The only requirement for membership is a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend." I kept going back and slowly I began to feel better.

,

It took me over a year to realize that I am a child of alcoholic parents I am glad I was given the time and support to come to this in my time.

Today ReminderL

ONE OF THE SIGNS I HAVE BEEN AFFECTED BY ALCOHOISM IS THAT I THINK I KNOW WHAT EVERYONE SHOULD DO, As Alanon 12 and 12 States:" Tradition 3 speaks directly to those of us who mistakenly feel a new comer should be ejected when she does meet the requirements for membership"

I do believe that since Denial is a huge part of this disease permitting each of us to decide that we belong is essential.

Congrats on doing service work Glad you found us

fixitall · Newbie

Hi Betty,

Thanks for the insight. Me and my fellow members will learn from this.

Peter.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.