The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I recently made a post on here stating how I got a job and was concerned on letting my alcoholic boyfriend, father of my 2 year old, pick up my daughter from day care. He pleaded with me swearing on everything that he would never drink and then drive with her in the car or while watching her. I was hesitant but decided I would see how things go but I knew eventually it would come to this.
I come home from work today and just could tell that he had drank at some point. The scary part is I don't know when whether it was before he got her or while he was with her. I said to him you have drank and he got defensive and stormed out. If this was any other situation sure I probably shouldn't say that but he crossed the line with our child. I'm furious.
I have been in contact with his mom in case it would get to this and now it has and will be making arrangements with her to pick up my daughter from day care now. It was more convenient with my boyfriend to pick her up so I could come straight home and he would start dinner and this will make things inconvenient now, but my daughter's safety is the most important thing and I won't have to worry about this anymore.
He is going to explode when he's sober when he finds this out, no doubt. He has a temper the size of Texas but I have decided from other's insight on this board that I will no longer leave my daughter alone with him until he is working AA and sober for a period of time, if it ever happens.
It's frustrating to have to go down this route because I have depended on him so much to help out with our daughter but I just can't anymore.
Next Friday, me and my alcoholic boyfriend are suppose to be going to visit his brother and wife out of state and coming back the next day. Things are always so awkward around his family because everyone knows about his disease and they just act weird around him. They all drink around him but would frown on him if he even dared to pick up a drink. It really frustrates me at their ignorance. It's like they are saying we can drink but you can't. How do you expect for him to get by when everyone around him is drinking beer and getting drunk? His family doesn't deal with this good at all. They all know about it but choose to ignore it but continue to drink around him and just expect that he not drink around them even though they are. I have really started to see that drinking has been really encouraged on both his mother and his father's side of the family. I feel sorry for him when he has to deal with this.
But anyway, I almost don't even want to go on this trip because things are not happy at home here and things with his family is always awkward in the interaction between them and us. His brother, who he used to be so close to, ever since he found out about his disease, he acts wierd around him like my boyfriend is a different person like this has changed their relationship now that they can't even drink anymore together. It's bizarre. And I just feel like there has been some gossiping going around like they know about the problems we have been having at home and I'm tired of being looked at as the couple "who won't make it" or something to that effect. I'm tired of being fake. I would rather stay home with my daughter and spend time with her.
And just so everyone knows, I don't have time for meetings with my work schedule and because of my daughter and am not at this time willing to sacrifice the time I do get with her for meetings at this time at least. For now, this site and literature is all i have for an attempt at sanity.
I understand how you feel with your upcoming trip. I recently had to visit my AB's family and, well, it had good and bad sides. Although you don't feel good about it now, you will get through it. And as you change, others might change as well.
By the way, I think that people who act awkward have their own package. Anyway, what others think about you is none of your business ;)
Thanks for the response Smukke. So my alcoholic boyfriend seems to think this whole daycare situation is a quick fix by buying a breathalizer and then I can test him when I get home. But I am more concerned about him being sober when he would pick her up and I can't be there to test him on it and I shouldn't have to anyway. I told him this morning that he won't need to be picking her up anymore and that his mom will be and he flew off the handle and said some pretty crazy things. Disease talking of course but then he just got downright nasty with insulting me. I told him that when he is sober for a period of time and working AA that I could consider him having that priviledge back. He eventually stormed out. I have decided to not go on this trip not because of his family but because I can't even stand to be around him at this point so why would I want to go. He has said alot of terrible things to me and I realize it's the disease, but it still hurts. I don't feel like going to fake it and give up time with my daughter for him and put on an act that we are this big happy family when things are out of control right now.
I'm so sorry this is happening. And so glad that you are taking care of your daughter. And that you realize it's the disease talking, totally out of touch with reality. The A will push back against anything that implies that his disease has an impact on anyone. They want the world to behave as if they're never drunk. It's part of the big picture of denial. So they'll do anything they can to try to defend that view. Like, crazy things: "I'm not drinking! This is a can of beer I'm holding for someone else! Some guy left me to hold his can of beer! I'm holding it so no alcoholic gets a hold of it!"
I wonder what your BF has to offer you or his daughter.
It sounds as if you've made good decisions to take care of yourself. I hope you'll keep coming back. Hugs.
I don't know anyone else who has this disease but his is very nasty, ugly, provoking, abusive, arrogant, etc. Our relationship has been up and down. We have been off and on for years now, off period when he went away to college and back on when he came back after a while. Things were good then we moved in together when I found out I was pregnant and then it got bad. I knew he was struggeling with his drinking but never to the extent when we moved in together. He went to rehab while I was pregnant and things were better after that though he still drank, the drinking was far less then it was before rehab and there was no verbal abuse at that time.
He has better periods of sobriety during the winter months, warm months are the worst for him. Ever since March and the warm weather, golfing season, it's just been a tornado. Drinking every day, gone alot. I ask myself the same thing every day lately, what does he have to offer us anymore? I guess it comes down to 2 things. 1- His disease is out of control but part of me is waiting for him to hit bottom again and see how he deals with those consequences. He hasn't always been like this just ever since March, it's been awful. He changed. If he hits bottom and makes the decision to get into AA, get some help of some kind, be sober, then there could be a chance for us. If he doesn't make any changs from hitting bottom then I guess I know my answer. I just know something is going to happen around the corner because he's drinking and driving, he's blowing off work, drinking every day and not eating good, acting sick alot, something is just bound to happen.
2-He pays majority of the bills. I just started working and don't make enough to make it on my own with my daughter. I'm also only working temp but could be hired on full time and get a raise then but that is a few months away before if that ever happens. I have a toxic relationship with my mother and it would be hell to live with her again and I don't want my daughter around that. It would be extremely uncomfortable to live with his parents for everyone involved. Therefore, I feel like I'm pretty much stuck in this situation until I start making more money for me and my daughter to leave unless he hits bottom and gets sober. That's where I'm at right now. I just am so miserable living like this and lonely and exhausted and his behavior from his disease really kills our romance. I'm trying my best to detach but it's really hard in the situation I'm living in. I don't know if this chapter of my life will end or continue for the better.
Trying to hang on until something good happens whether it's he dedicates his lfe to sobriety or I start making more money to move out. In time, we will see.
