The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi. Im still spinning. I tried to do something nice for myself yesterday, and took myself out for dinner. Well, I ended up crying in the restaurznt. I managed to get myself home, and I felt like I was just going to break into a million pieces. I tried to call a name on my al ankn contact list, but it was like 10:30. When no one answered, I didnt try anyone else. I called my dad, and that was dumb. Ive never told my parents he was an A, and so my dads response was to just tell me why I shouldnt feel sad. It was almost like instead of going to my A for my needed punch in the face, I went to the original source and got it. Why I thought my parents wouldnt.negate my feelings like always, I have no idea. I got on facebook and asked people to pray for me without giving details, and now I am embarassed that I threw out there "ooo please pity meee booohoo". I ended up texting with my dear friend who happens to be my ex sil, and she was very kimd and it helped. But, because Im such a codependent, I distrust my motives there as well. I went to work today, but was pretty worthless. My depression is so overwhelming. Then this afternoon, one of my best friends sent me a youtube link to The Last Lecture. And this man is everything ai am not, and dont know how to be. So, I feel like she is tellimg me Im a failure. And the part tjat made me cry the most was qhere he talked about his happy childhood, and I did NOT have that. I cant even answer her. Because I kmow she is right, she always is with this stuff. I just feel like my inner cnild is bleeding on the floor, and I domt kmow how to help myself. I dont know wjat I need. Im so desperate.
We are here for you and there are usually diferent meetings you could go to in you area. Going to an A for support is like going to a hardware store for bread. I am sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. Trust me .. been there done that and still do it from time to time .. it's so ok.
Just take things one day at a time and there are some days a min at a time seems way to long. Worst case come on here if you think it's to late to call someone we all have those moments. People put their name on those lists for a reason so don't feel bad about calling emotional breakdowns don't happen at normal hours.
Hugs so sorry this is so hard right now it's going to pass, .. it may pass like a kidney stone it's going to pass. Feelings aren't facts. They just are .. and it takes time to learn not to act on something out of emotional upset.
Be very very very gentle with yourself .. you have been through a lot and it's all just going to take time.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I had to ask for help last week as well and it was a bit weird. But Al-Anon is there for those situations. In the next meeting, I thanked the lady I talked to many times and shared in front of everyone. All the feelings came up once again, I was shaking after sharing. Soon the feelings left and I felt so much better.
Maybe you have torn an old wound open, as I did? First, things get so painful, but the wound can now heal better than before.
I think, you are very strong and you will get better!
CDK...I disagree that you are "not doing well" you are having a life-changing experience
this kind of pain is part of life...and other people just choose to hide it, or anesthetize it with drugs or alcohol or shopping or things...
IMO, because in this society everyone is supposed to be "happy" all the time, people are not tolerant of others' pain and have no idea how to be supportive when someone is hurting...so when we seek help, others don't know how to respond in ways that are truly helpful.
one thing that helped me is the meditative practice of Tonglen...it helps you connect to ALL the people in the world, like you, who are in overwhelming pain...and teaches you to have compassion for ALL of you..including you. Even if you don't practice Tonglen..know that at this very moment...there are thousands of people who are feeling just what you are feeling.
You are not crazy. You HURT. Know that we are here in spirit for you..and the other thing that really helped me...don't look at the whole picture...just do the next thing you need to do...one minute at a time.
You are right where you should be. I went running this morning and started crying. My AHsober wants a divorce. I think of all the things that use to be and are not. So I cry and have my pity party and try to be productive. I ran, cooked, cleaned, worked, took a nap, and life goes on or so it seems. When it is really bad, I come here to the board, go to face to face meetings, call my sponsor, and sometimes I just sit in my misery and realize that most people have it worse then me.
I agree with the Tonglen practice. I don't do it formally myself, but I do think about the suffering of others and it helps me feel connected to humanity. My go-to is the African refugees who escape incredible odds and come to America, leaving families behind to poverty, the war lords and unspeakable brutality. There is a documentary called "The Lost Boys of Sudan" or something to that effect...it pulls me out of my own self pity parties. If these people can start anew and find happiness in spite of what they lived through, well, I can recover from a marriage with an abusive alcoholic.
I also don't have a lot of real world support, except for my Al Anon buddies. A lot of people just don't know how to support, I'm afraid. But there are people who care. Find them, stay close to them, and forget the rest.
I would also say that if you feel you need to talk to your doctor about some medication to temporarily reduce your depression or anxiety or insomnia, please don't hesitate. It doesn't have to be a prescription medication...there are other ways your doctor can help you, by recommending over the counter stuff, or finding a support group, or encouraging you to exercise and eat well.
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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
