The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
J.A.D.E. comes to mind after reading your post. Do not justify, argue, defend or explain. I also felt the need to make people understand my point of view but learned that most of the time when offered to much information about my decision making process rather than accepting my decision it opened up all kinds of avenues for the other person to try to change my mind. And believe me I am quite capable of changing my mind all on my own ... alot LoL Anyway, it is perfectly acceptable to just state that you would like to be friends and not dating with no explanation, it is what it is. There are numerous benefits to practicing JADE including observation of another person's acceptance of your decisions, validating of self by not having to explain why and a detachment by not offering too much information to someone too soon who may use it for manipulation. Have a great time on your outing!
Jen
-- Edited by Jennifer on Wednesday 30th of May 2012 11:10:10 AM
ive decided to go ahead and go to the beach with this person,reason is i see no harm in it for one and reason he wants to keep me in secret is he keeps all of his lady freinds in secret at 1st just to see if it will work out,so i told him agin on phone that i did not want or need a dateing commitment,lol couldnt have put it any more blunt than that ,thanks to the ala that told me that one,he got really queit at 1st so i figure he is gona be asking me agin when we see each other what did i mean by my recovery he dont understand and yes id rather keep this a secret too lol for reasons cause i dont see it going no where really just freinds from church going to have some fun,same as he said fun only.something to do,but ive got to explain to him about my recovery ,and how do i do that w/o him wondering if im aa or something or an addict would be his thoughts cause he doesnt understand allthis as lots dont,and i told him to see others dont mattter to me,trying to get this all through to him with out him wanting to put me in a situation that i dont want cause im not a bit attracted to this person or anything else am i attracted tohim,just a good freind is all i want ,how clearly can i put this to him to make him see it i think he does in a way ,needing more esh here plzzzzzz, ,,,hugs silent
thanx jen for that esh i needed that,and thanx for this new tool of j.a.d.e. 1st ive heard thart one guess its not used as much as the ones i hear most of like one day at a time,how important is it,serenity prayer,etc etc.i could really benefit by useing this tool also,ill have to 1st learn how to use it ,lol ,ive been in and out of alanon now for 8 yrs mostly out but now that im hitting the big 50 its like is getting shorter and shorter and now my life if half over,and im still right where i was yrs yrs ago.it sometimes can get to me if i think about it to long,but now im back with a more sincere want and need to work my program,just getting out of what i call a real alcoholic and drug addict at its worstest ive ever seen in my whole life rrelationship,ive got to do something to fix me,this aint easy for me,im not as quick to do things,but im trying my best to absorb alli can from here needing all the help i can get and trying not to rush things to fast,i just want to get better soon willl soon.im trying to relax and just stay in my recovery for the rest of this year or for a whole year anyway w/o a relationship of any kind just freind relationships but seems they want more than that i dunno,i havent never had a man for a freind,so ill just see how it goes if i see he isnt willing to be just freinds i do know how to back off,for lots ive had to back off from ive gotten good at that,thanks for your esh jen,i didnt mean for this to turn into a book ,it started out just gonna be a sentence,lol now its grown into a very long story you brung it out of me girl,,lol,,,,,,hugs silent
