I live in Tennesse and my adult son (24 years old)  who is abusing alcohol lives in Florida.  I have not seen him in three years; however, I have regularly  talked with him on the phone.  On the phone he tries to present himself in a good light.  I have received word that he is "drinking himself to death."  I know that he has been arrested several times for problems related to his drinking (DUI and druken disorderly...violation of probation.) He doesn't have a driver's license or any transportation.   He is not paying his bills.   His wife (30 years his senior/full of disfunction herself..and who we have refused to have a relationship with) has called to tell me that she is fearful for his life and that she doesn't have the resources or wisdom to deal with him anymore.   He does have a back breaking job that so far he hasn't messed up.   His wife said that he doesn't think he is an alcoholic, but that he has called her to tell her he is "pooping bile and blood" and that even the people at the American Legion who are drinking with him are saying "You better slow down."    

My husband and I are going to go down there and get our eyes on the situation and determine how and if we can help.   I am thinking about bringing him to Tennessee (into our house) if he is willing to go to treatment (intensive outpatient)  which is offered by the Veteran's Administration. (If he is able to leave the state of Florida...not sure if he is on probation and what that might mean for him.)    I'm thinking that his chance of success in the disfunctional environment where he lives is not good.   I'm thinking that the support of his family is pretty important...but I am a little scared that we will get him up here and find ourselves in a terrible situation...and enabling him.  Our family has had no experience with this kind of thing before.   I'm trying to educate myself before responding.   Is my thinking good....or should I wait for him to call us and ask for help and risk him not getting help at all?