The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi all, Thank goodness for this board and for alanon meetings or I think I would go completely insane! My AH came back from his meeting tonight in a really low mood. He said 'well I belong to a big club full of **** ups' and preceeded to lay face down on the sofa. Anyway he said he'd stayed to talk to people and really hated it. I stayed strong and just said I'm really sorry you had a bad meeting. He got up and went to bed ( about 8.30 at night) I cleared our bags off the floor his was open and in it a quarter bottle of vodka empty. I did ask him about it. He broke down saying he'd been near to killing himself. It was awful but I tried not to make it into a big drama. I told him as we'd originally agreed that I want to speak to his counsellor about it as he's not been straight with her about how he feels. I'm so upset. It was my first day in work today since I moved down to be with him and this has been our evening. I've got my own meeting tomorrow which I know will help. I don't have a sponsor yet but need to get one. I have telephone lists of everyone there but don't want to call people to late at night. To those who've been there in the early recovery stages of the Alcoholic partner. How did you cope? We're you calling and texting people T all hours? I can't believe I'm back in work first thing having to paint that smile on and get on with it with all this hanging over me. I really don't want to tell my new boss on day two what's going on so I'll have to suck it up. So emotionally drained by all of this!
-- Edited by glad lee on Monday 28th of May 2012 05:14:30 PM
None of these things happen at a reasonable hour .. all of us have difficulties especially in the beginning about picking up the phone and calling someone. I usually will text my sponsor and ask her if it's a good time to talk. My calls are late I try and avoid talking when the kids are up and around.
The alcoholic in my life is not in recovery. I have heard in meetings how difficult those times are for them as well as family. If you can get to more meetings that is what got me through the initial stages of what I was going through. Meetings, sponsor, and focusing on me and not what my AH is or is not doing is what gets me through.
Hugs keep coming back, hugs p :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I am sorry you are going through this. I know all too well the story of 'painting on the face' to get through the day.
Its understandable you don't want to wake a person up at all hours.... having said that... that is why they put their number out there.. to do just that.... to help in the time that is needed.. Usually that is not at 4pm in the afternoon!!!
I understand. My AH relapsed this weekend but he doesn't know that I know. I, too, don't have a sponsor yet but I know a few Al Anon folks who are always willing to take my calls. Keep coming back here, you will get lots of support!
I understand what you are going through, too. At the beginning, my husband would do the same thing. Go to meetings and then drink after because he couldn't bare that his life was taking this turn and that he had to even consider giving up his best friend--alcohol. He also would threaten suicide--he still does. I cannot imagine how that feels for an addict and I think at the beginning especially--that it is totally normal. The only thing you can do is turn the focus on you. It does always seem to happen at the worst time. My husband got his second DWI on my first day back at work, while my daughter was very ill, and i was about to leave town for a week. I remember just sitting in the parking lot at work bawling so hard I thought I would choke to death on my tears. It SUCKS...but I somehow got through it and can look back at it now and see how strong I was and how for him, it was bound to happen because he was deep deep in the muck of his disease.
That was a year ago...he is still relapsing. I also feel like it just never ends...BUT the truth is I am VERY different now thanks to working a program. It impacts me in a very different way when he chooses to drink again, and suffer, and hold on to misery. These are his choices...I need to focus on what I can do so it doesn't suck me in too. Now, when I am faced with his drama I can take a deep breath, call on my HP, and get through it w/o losing too much serenity (I am not perfect at it for sure...)
I hope you can connect with someone at a meeting. At those awful times, i would go to 4/week just to get through and I came to this board every night I couldn't go to a meeting and I read LOTS of books. Slowly, I found tools to help me deal with my life no matter what he was doing--and I keep up with the program because if I slip, I am right back to the crazy emotional anxiety days and I never ever want to go back there. Best wishes. I know it sucks--you are not alone.
