The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In working on my personal inventory I'm coming to the conclusion I've always been screwed up when it comes to accepting love, compliments or any kind of gift from others.
I think I have always believed I don't deserve it, that the only way to be "worth" anything was for me over sacrifice myself. I was raised in a strict religious home. Maybe I wanted to be some type of martyr in my personal relationships?
When I got married for the first time, I was 19 years old and married a man serving time in a reformatory. Seriously! We got married in the prison chapel. That marriage was a disaster and lasted 6 years.
Then, I married a man who is an alcoholic, but has a lot more going for him in many ways. Still, he is very emotionally neglectful and my needs are no where on his priority list. His friends, our kids, his drinking all come first.
I think there is an element of self loathing in my personality as I have always had times, on and off, of anorexia and other destructive behaviors.
I want to be a healthy person who knows how to give and receive love and not this basket case I have become. I want to learn that self pity and / or pity from others is not desireable. I want to learn that love doesn't mean being someones savior, and that I shouldn't have to hurt to be valuable.
I'm just starting to figure this out about myself, and I welcome any insight anyone has. I feel that until I figure this out, I will never be healthy.
Hello and welcome You're in the right place. You didn't say whether you're attending Al-Anon meetings (in person), so let me encourage you to do so. Attending meetings and working the steps is how I came to value myself - starting from a position much as you describe yourself. It gets SO MUCH better - a better life awaits you. You can come to value yourself just as you are (well, with the changes you want to make for yourself). Keep coming back and telling us how you're doing. Jill
Thanks Jill. I haven't been able to attend meetings because we only have one car right now, and I never have access to it unless it's to go to the grocery store. I have tried logging into the online meetings and my computer says the code doesn't have a security signature and it could put my computer at risk so my firewall blocks it. I don't know why I am having this problem. I would really like to participate in the online meeting tonight about prayer and meditation.
Anyway, thanks for the encouragement. I will start going to meetings as soon as I get some reliable transportation.
I came to these boards feeling like I did not deserve to live really, I thought I was such a mess. And I probably was.. well.. no probably.. I was a mess.
I have been here 10 months approximately. I read and read and read and posted and read and kept a very open mind and questioned and read some more....
My life has not been easy street at any corner but what I have learned here, and through seeing a psychologist, has changed my life in my opinion.
Your logon says you are a veteran member so you know some of the things that help.
In your inventory, did you also see some of the good things? Some of the things you have used as survival skills that you may or may not need now?
Are you an adult child of a dysfunctional home? You are always welcome over on the ACA board with us there too. I promote this board there, and that board here.. hahaha.
Hi, I too grew up in a very religious home. But no drinking. I was raised to be "helpful" but I took that idea to an extreme. And I found an alcoholic. I needed to be needed and he needed me. Lots of need there. I put up with a lot of unacceptable behavior, but I got some rewards too.
