The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Wow! It's so hard to believe that just a couple of months ago, I was a basket case. I was insane with worry, guilt, panic and control. I walked into my first meeting thoroughly confused about why my A wanted to hurt me with her drinking, not understanding the difference between a boundary with a consequence and an ultimatum.
I would like to share my first thought on AA and Al-anon... this is blunt, but honestly this is what my first judgement was... I'm sure I was in a bit of denial. But I thought AA was teaching A's to have a crutch. To lean on and blame their "disease" and cry about how they can't help it; they're sick. And I thought Al-anon was teaching us how to roll over and put up with our As. HA!
I am glad I'm hard headed and kept at it. Because i feel 100% differently now.
Anyway: I wanted to share some positive vibes here. But first!!!! ***I shall ((KNOCK ON WOOD))***
Our pattern was literally every other weekend with her relapsing and disappearing to go drink (Since I put my foot down and don't allow it in the house anymore). And me relapsing into hysterical outbursts when my boundary didn't keep her home with ME..a raving lunatic!
WE MADE IT TWO WEEKENDS IN A ROW!!! WHEW!
She is trying harder because I let up and gave us both some breathing room. I have been talking to myself a lot about the fact that I should not have expectations on her. I should breathe... and let go... and if I come home and she is gone, it's not about me. I have to let her go through her thing and I will take good care of myself. When I stopped putting "pressure" on the relationship, she responded by trying harder. Because I became the person I was when she met me again. I hadn't realized that I was putting pressure. But I see it now that it has been lifted.
One milestone under our belt. One day at a time. That makes a whole lot of sense finally.
Peace.
__________________
"Everything that has ever happened to us is there to make us stronger." - John Trudell
I wish I could say the same. My AH is MAD at me. He sees me going to Al-Anon and me creating boundaries as a way to subtly control him. He did drink over the weekend although significantly less. And, he respected my boundaries. He said that he knows he needs to stop drinking so much. I told him that I simply don't want him to drink in the house anymore in an effort to push the decision to drink(or not) on him. Nevertheless, he is MAD. He switches from not talking, to making "not so nice comments" to just plain crabby. Is this normal behavior when someone stops drinking? I don't think I like him like this. I am trying to be patient.....
