The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been gone for 3 days at a tennis tourament for my son. I noticed that AH and I communicate much better when we're just apart. So, basically that means a few texts a day and one phone call. It seems to work and we get along.
What I have come to realize is that I need a break from him. A break from the inconsistency of his emotions, his up and down constantly, his negativity one day and normalness the next, his everything, LOL. I got so worked up about our last conversation where he told me he didn't care about our son and his emotions and where he basically didn't make any sense about 'ratting someone out' when they commit a crime. It's like I don't even know who he is anymore and I have decided that I am going to take our son and go to FL for about 3-4 weeks.
My son has trained for tennis in FL at least once a year and my grandparents live close to the tennis training facility we attend. My grandmother may be having heart surgery so I may be able to help them out if the timing is right. My AH made some comments about how much it will cost because I have to rent a car, stay in a condo, and fly there but my emotional health and sanity is so much more important to me at this point. I haven't made my case to him yet, but I will. He needs to know that one of the reasons I am going for so long is because of him.
He goes to jail next weekend and then has his 11 days of home detention. 3 days after that ds and I will be traveling to another tournament and I hope to be leaving for FL shortly after that. I truly am at my wit's end. The up and down, the roller coaster, has taken a toll on me and I feel done but I know that God has great plans for me and I will take my time and keep focusing on me so that He can show me the way! Thanks for reading!
I'm so glad you had a relaxing time at the tennis tourney, .. it really is a blessing to get that clarity of time and space. Being away from the insanity puts things into complete perspective.
Anyway, enjoy making the plans!
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I hope you and your son enjoy the time with your family. When it came time to do my 8th step, I realized I had neglected my family through being overly involved in my exah's disease. You are realizing the importance of giving yourself and others the love and attention they deserve. Your husband in his active disease will do whatever he is going to do but there is no getting back lost memories with family. Enjoy! TT
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
"don't know who he is anymore".
I can so relate. They aren't who they used to be because the disease becomes who they are. I don't think they even know who they are anymore.
This is so much me! I have totally abandoned my original family (mom, dad, brother, and sister) to "cure" my A. It sucks, really does that I can't get those years back. But what doesn't "stinK' is that I can change the present and the future . I called my dad today. He loves me like he always has, maybe even more. They don't know any details but aren't stupid, they know my kids and I have endured a lot. And we have.
Al-Anon is helping me get my life back. ILD, are you going to any Al-Anon meetings or reading their materials. I've found it quite helpful.
