The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi. I am an addict. My fiancée of 3 years is also. We both have been sober for more than 3 years. Last week, I got mad and beat up my fiancée. Why? He's not working his program. Ridiculous, right? I thought so too.
I went to an aa meeting and shared this. And a woman told me to hit up an alanon meeting. So I'm testing it out here.
1. Why did she send me here?
2. Can you help me with my anger issues?
Thank you.
__________________
We will change when the pain of where we are exceeds the fear of where were going
Hiya and welcome. Alanon is a place where we learn we can't fix the addicts we love or control them...their behaviour or their program. We learn that loving an addict can make us as crazy as being an addict. I have been clean and sober myself for 24 years, but after many years into my AA program I realised that I was still acting nuts around the alcoholics and dysfunctional people in my life...I was codependent. I was intolerant and aggressive towards my partner and still terrified of my A dad. I had such a lot of anger toward my partner and felt controlled by their behaviours. I joined alanon and finally started getting to the root of why the As in my life made me so crazy, and started to realise I was powerless over certain things: the addicts; their recovery (or lack thereof); the effects their addictions/behaviours had had on me. I realised that I was the one I needed to change and work on: my reactions; the buttons the As pushed in me; my childhood stuff; my control issues. It isn't easy, but I saw I was as sick with codependency as I had been with my own addictions. I now see myself as a "double winner" in two programs. I also found Melody Beattie books really helpful. I hope you can get to some alanon meetings and find the help you need. Thank you for your honesty.
Aloha Ruhig...and welcome to the Al-Anon side of the room. I'm also a "double" (member of both rooms) 9 years alcohol free in Al-Anon and then a member of AA also. We use literature and philosophy and behaviors and thinking and such from both rooms mutually. Anger issue answers for me while in Al-Anon were relieved partly from Dr. Paul's discovery and statement on acceptance; page 449 of the 3rd edition. I believe you have that book. Acceptance is one of the largest tools in recovery in both rooms. Al-Anon widens and adds depth to acceptance with detachment, self focus, practicing non-judgementalism, using compassion and empathy and forgiveness and more. Both are "do" or "walk" programs. Welcome to the wider playing field. We've been together on the other board and you have a head start on your needs. I'm in support. (((hugs)))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Monday 28th of May 2012 09:15:15 AM
