The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As someone who was pretty deprived as a child patience isn't something I have much of. I want everything yesterday because I'm always aware that life is scarce and everything can end tomorrow. After a lifetime of being around alcoholics of course that is true because their crises are never ending. Grab it now because it won't be there tomorrow is a maxim I learned while living with the ex A, cars, trucks, homes, life savings all sucked up by his addiction any day,any time, anywhere. The problem was underlying that was my conviction that I really wasn't worth much.
These days for me life is so much better than it has been for a long time but I can still engineer situations that are unbearable. I work at a store where everyone is dysfunctional (what news) and I need to get another position but I can't just resign because of monetary issues. I've asked for a transfer and of course I probably won't get one for a while. Rather than be a mature adult I want to tantrum like a two year old. I also want to take the inventory of everyone around there. They gave me a review that is so gramatically incorrect that it could have been written by a 11 year old and I want to broadcast that to the universe rather than accept it. I can't even get past one sentence without wondering do they read anything they've written. What do I plan to do give them emergency grammer lessons? This kind of over reaction is what bonded me with the now ex A. I have no internal limits or external limits.
This is real evidence I can make a mountain out of a molehill. Certainly this job helped me out in so many ways when I was up against a wall financially right now I still have very big financial issues. But these days I have boundaries, If I'm signed on for a 5 hour shift I want 5 hours, not 4 because my supervisor feels like going home early. Before I accepted that kind of unilateral conditions now I don't. Boundaries aren't luxuries are they?
One of the core issues with codependence for me is having no limits. I worked myself into the ground for 2 years for little return now I'm not willing to do that. That doesn't mean I get to sit home and take a break but it does mean that I don't just take everything lying down. Now I look around and think do I really need approval from people who don't know their tenses? Now I can tolerate disapproval and even being disliked because I set limits. Before that wasn't a possibility. I craved approval more than boundaries.
I had similar issues with the now ex A's family, friends, bosses and more. I wanted to control all of them but most of all I wanted them to like me and since they were dysfunctional that wasn't a possibility. They didn't like themselves so how could they like me. They could put on a great act but really they had their own issues to deal with and after all they were also dealing with the ex A's never ending crises.
I'm coming to realize patience isn't something that comes overnight it requires practice. I need to actually practice being patience and being persistent about transferring without driving myself insane in the process. I need to set limits diligently in order to preserve my energy and I need to learn to live and let live which isn't something I have much experience at. I used to live and let everyone run all over me and that definitely isn't the same thing.
"I'm coming to realize patience isn't something that comes overnight it requires practice. I need to actually practice being patience and being persistent about transferring without driving myself insane in the process."
It's true, if it's something you've never had, never worked on, it's not something that will come natural. I think by nature most humans are impatient, but I could be mistaken.
I used to always want everything yesterday. I'm learning what it means to take life one day at a time!
Boundaries and limits are important, they help maintain serenity. I know that the more I learn the better I become at sticking to mine!
Thank you for sharing! Sending you hugs and support on your journey!
Psst.... I wouldn't even give too much thought to evaluations by those who are well qualifed to write a bestseller grammar book! Oh, I would consider their input, but not swallow it hook, line and sinker.
It sounds as though you are well on your way to being independent of the good opinions of others. It is so freeing! But sometimes, I forget that for a short while.
Good work on your part!
__________________
You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Actually their grammer was atrocious that was the issue. There weren't even complete sentences but that isn't the point is it. The point is the job no longer works for me and normally I make that the center of my life.
