The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We talk a lot about detaching with love but love with detachment is what I experienced today. My exAH moved back to the state a few weeks ago and has helped me with a few things during finals and an acute attack of my disease. It has been nice to have to the help from someone who knows me well enough to not have to ask about every little thing and to see him sober and feeling good about himself. Today I saw all the signs of a relapse, slip whatever it is or will be. And after allowing a bit of time to calm myself I could feel the powerless angry resentment starting to build up. It went pretty much like this.
After today if you have been drinking do not come to my house. I am setting that boundary. As much as I appreciate the help you have been I am not willing to suffer the consequences of your drinking.
I have not been drinking.
My reality... Your reality can be two different places. The boundary stands.
Silence.
Silence.
I am gonna go. I have that busted feeling. Sorry, love you.
Love you too. Take care of yourself. Get to a meeting. Be careful. Good night.
Releasing denial, removing blinders, acceptance, detaching with love brought this amazing ability to love with detachment. I have noticed this in other areas of my life as well not trying to fix another or tolerate what is unpleasant for me makes life pretty darn peaceful. Now just to create a contradiction, and reaffirm my insanity, I am off to fix a problem I did not cause, am not controlling at present and probably cannot cure barking puppies J
Thanks for the share Jen .. it's not easy to love an A .. and they need love and acceptance it sounds like you did both without putting yourself at risk.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Dettachment was the theme of my Al-anon meeting today and I was reminded of how far I have come from pre-program until now. I used to be such an enabler and I still fight with it. At times with my exAH I still have a hard time dettaching with love and have to dettach with indifference or even anger sometimes to not put myself at risk. The more I practice tough love the harder he tries to charm me, but I more than not don't play the game any longer. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
