The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been in a relationship with my GF for about 4 years and about 18 months ago she joined AA and has grown so much and became a different person. I worry almost once a week about her drinking again. I know that i have no control over that and it had driven me crazy. First it started with the fears of her drinking and then it moved on to thinking shes sleeping with another guy. I did everything I could to find out what she was doing and felt like an ass when she was doing what she said she was going to do.
Now it is to a point where she moved out and moved in with her parents. I know her reasons for it. I am very co-dependent when it comes to her. We talk but thats about it. She comes down once a week to get her mail and a few things she needs. I have been trying to no worry about her and it has helped a lot.
But today I have had a great day. The best day in a few months. I wanted to go to a meeting tonight and couldn't make it. Then my mind went back to the dark side. I just wanted to know where she was and what she was doing. But then she called and wanted to talk. So we talked for a little and it felt good.
I know I had no reason to worry, but I just went back to the old, dark me. I know its not an over night process to change. I also found out from our counsler that I have PTSD from my time in Iraq. I'm sure both of these issues related to each other some how and im sure I will get through this. It just sucks right now.
I'm so glad to hear you are going to alanon meetings .. it is so easy to get stuck in stinking thinking. Congrats to your girlfriend for going to AA it is not easy to work a program of recovery.
Yes, .. awareness sucks because it means acceptance (which also sucks) it means that action has to follow. The three A's .. lol .. there are some days they could just as well be the 3 F's .. lol. That's all one word too. Just keep on taking things 24 hours at time sometimes it's literally min by min or hour by hour. The other issue is allowing her recovery to be hers and you focusing on your own recovery. I'm not sure what PSTD has to do with insecurities .. I did not serve in Iraq however I can't sit with my back to an open door, I constantly fidget even at home. It drives family to distraction .. it just is what it is .. I know how much better I am when I can be calm and settled and my back is to a door. What i know with my own situation is I have to create my own safety with my HP.
Keep coming back and keep sharing .. you gotta share your stuff because that's where the healing is at my brother.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Hi and welcome to MIP! There is so much great ESH (experience, strength and hope) here. Have you read the book "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews, it was a very insightful and helpful book for me, I suggest that one and "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie if you haven't read them. I also read my 3 daily readers every morning ODAT, Courage to Change and Hope for Today. I am glad to hear you are attending Al-anon face to face, that and having a sponsor and comng here have given me such freedom from the worry and misery that used to threaten to drown me. Thanks for your service! Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Welcome: This board can be a wonderful refuge, place of inspiration and care for you.
As someone with PTSD I would say it certainly interlocks pretty well with codependence.
Boundaries are a very big issue with me. Who I spend time with, when I spend time with them, how I spend time with them, expectations all of that are so important. I had no boundaries as a child as I grew up in an abusive, horrible home. Then I began a series of relationships generally with alcoholics and addicts and my boundaries were totally eviscerated by those actions.
My boundaries were also affected by that I had pretty severe abandonment issues. As an abused child I had no one and I was pretty desperate to be loved and cherished. I had no idea what that meant. I settled for what little I could get and when there were gaps, all those feelings not felt as a child emerged, I literally felt like I was dying.
I came here a few years ago desperate as I was in an increasingly dysfunctional relationship with a addict/alcoholic. This place has been a lifesaver for me.
I would highly recommend giving the program a go. The more I became immersed in the program the less obsessed I became with the now ex A. The more I could focus on me and my needs and not be dysfunctional.
I'm glad you are giving yourself the opportunity to heal.
I know I go through those roller-coaster emotions. One minute I'm fine, the next I'm full of fears and worries. It's all part of this thing I call life, haha.
You're doing great by reaching out, though. I really do hope you can make it over to some Al-Anon meetings. For me, at least, they're great at re-centering me.
I've had a wacky week myself with my emotions over stuff that's really pretty minor in comparison to living with the disease of alcoholism. Today I'm feeling good, and normally when I feel good I think that I'll just not hit a meeting... but because I've been up and down the rest of the week with what's been going on, even though I feel okay, I'm still going to sit my butt down in a meeting tonight. I know it'll be what I need in the long run.
Thanks everyone for the support. The last few days have been good. I have met a lot of great people in the program and I have been trying to take care of myself and only worry about me. I got one good piece of advice, If it makes you feel better keep doing it, if it doesn't help then stop.
That leads me in to today. I went up to go see my GF and things were good, but then her brother found a way to upset me. I know he did not do it on purpose, but she also fed in to it. I realized that every time I go to her parents house I get upset. I am happy seeing her but it seems like something happens that upsets me. Today was all in my head. I didn't have to get upset about what happened.
I am working on my happiness and getting back to me right now and it seems like the one person that I want to help make me happy makes me angry. I know I am not alone in all of this but I feel so alone and unable to really find what I want in life.
