For the first time my RBF and I had some "things" to talk about.  And generally I struggle with feedback as my co dependent reaction is a mix of "OMG I'm flawed, it's fatal" which can lead to bad reactions.

I did something that was a good boundary.  Because I'm learning that there is a difference between "trust" and "blind faith".  Blind faith is ok with my HP but humans, we aren't divine.  So RBF and I are going to England in Sept.  His family is from there.  We discussed using my emergency credit card to make the initial purchase.  So I sent an email detailing that we needed to set up an agreement and he should pay me with checks or me give him receipts as he pays it off so that we are both protected.  I trust him to pay it off.  I still felt this was necessary-this was a written acknowledgement that it was a loan which also protected me.

He initially was upset with the email but then checked himself and recognized that not only was I right to do it that way, that I had no ill intentions but that he was being faced with one of his issues.  He apparently dealt with it offline because the response to my email was "that's a great idea, let me know how you want to keep track of it".

So we were up late talking last night and he brought it up just in context with discussing things about ourselves.  Because I was really grumpy last night and he was laughing at me because when I get grumpy - I know it and I announce it and I get "busy and disconnected".  So I had shared that with him, thanked him for being patient and letting it run it's course and so he shared with me about the email.

I, the good little codependent, apologized for upsetting him with the email and he says "you don't need to apologize, you did the right thing, I just had to face my issue" and I said "well I know I can be abrasive and I don't often know when I do it and I actually appreciate people bringing it up".

With my request he brought up one other thing that had bothered him, where he opted to let it go.  He mentioned this quick little comment where I came off scolding/short to him (I remembered it).  I didn't break...! I swear to you 4 or 5 years ago I would have had this internal sinking feeling, this dread, this sort of "oh lord you're a bad person" and then I'd have internally chewed myself out, followed by profuse apologies to him and days of running it over in my head.

I said "you know what, I'm so glad you mentioned it because when I did it, I never considered the tone at all but you are right, it was scolding and that's absolutely something I need to watch".  And I meant it and I was glad for the feedback and I do need to watch my tone.

I have this bad habit of getting into "hurry mode" and I forget my manners LOL.  It's not intentional, and he said he knew that and knew I didn't mean it so he let it go but I said "no, I need the feedback, there are things about me I'm working on and that's one of them".

That's huge leaps for me.  Might seem small but I was a serious self abuser with internal dialogue and constantly harping on every little thing I did wrong.  To the point of having sweating, palpitations, overwhelming dread and anxiety when it occurred.  To this?

I might make it LOL.