In the past several days I've recognized some real changes in myself in how I react to others.  They are baby steps but boy does it feel good.

My H does things that I don't like - I used to interject myself into those things and situations and get embroiled in them.  Thanks to this program I'm finding I do that a lot less and if I find myself start doing it I recognize it and then back down and change my behavior.  I used to see this as just giving in and letting him have his way and it made me angry.  Now I see it as it's his deal he's going to do whatever he wants and my throwing a hissy over something that really doesn't involve me or knowing I have no influence on him has provided a great deal of peace for me. Recognizing that in myself is no easy thing.  I learned this behavior from my family of origin.  It's difficult to not have this sort of behavior with someone that I disagree a lot with! LOL but, ultimately it makes life easier for me.

Examples:  Last night my H went to pick my daughter up from a movie.  When he got home he told me a story about an agressive driver that pissed him off (he too is agressive and see's driving as a challenge to outdo others!)... It was quite an orderal evidently and my daughter was in the car with him.  Nothing really happened, thank goodness and he said that it was because she was in the car that he didn't do anything.  Normally I would have gotten angry with him and tried to chastize him over it but I didn't!  I just said that it sounded awful and I'm glad they are ok and sorry he had to deal with that.  I think he was really shocked! LOL  He wasn't quite sure what to do with my reaction so he kept telling me more about the story.  I just listened and again repeated I was sorry he had to deal with that. :)  I am so proud of myself...  it was a painful realization though when I looked in the mirror today and realized that I have been a part of the problem or at least made it much worse.

Another thing I did, but not completely proud of was stand up for what I needed even though it hurt him. How I did it is what I"m not proud of but how it played out I am. Since he has moved back home we sleep in separate rooms.  I am a very very light sleeper and he snores very very loud.  It was always a miserable nights sleep for me.  I'd gently try to nudge him and he'd snarl at me and this would go on and on so this has worked out quite well, for me at least.  I'm actually able to get a solid nights sleep.  He can sleep through anything.  The other night my daughter had a sleepover and he had to sleep with me.  I took an ambien so I could sleep and it went ok... evidently I was the one who snored :)  The next day he said "well maybe now I'll move back in our room" (here comes the part I'm not proud of)  I evidently rolled my eyes and it hurt him - he got really upset and took it as rejection - what was going through my head was sleepless nights again, arguing to try to get him to roll over etc. and me feeling miserable - I reacted without thinking.  For him when that happens the damage is done.  He does not listen after that - he closes the "door".  I made a very serious attempt to explain that it really is a sleep issue with me - but he wouldn't listen.  I am very sorry I hurt him - but his reaction is his reaction - not mine.  If he will allow me to talk about it, I will gladly and maybe we can find some compromise but for now he's just hurt and his modis of operendi is to punish me when he's hurt.  I won't let him.  I'll let him act like the hurt kid and when he's ready to talk, I'll be there.

 Thanks for letting me ramble!