The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I guess I consider myself lucky, blessed, what have you. I met someone recovering from alcoholism but after I'd gotten pretty far into my own recovery from another bad relationship. Not alcoholic but might as well have been.
I'm just no longer willing to lose me. I guess after you lose yourself for nearly 20 years, when you get yourself back, you just aren't that willing to give it up again. I have my days I have to be careful, I will always be co-dependent so I have to check myself regularly.
I do the things in my life I want to and it's easier because I've been single again for 5 years. Met my ex when I was 21, married a year later, married for 15 years, now divorced 5. 5 years of building my tool box and regaining me.
I come here because I find so much perspective and information and things that give me pause to go "wow, I never considered that could happen" or "oh that's exactly what I needed to hear". I get that here a lot.
But I'm no longer living in crazy, depression, fear, anxiety, etc. I love life right now. I've got loved ones who are concerned for me, who love me and have cautiously asked me to 'be careful' and you know what? I'm glad they are doing that because I do need to be careful and I know they care.
So for right now, things are actually really good. Both of us are doing our own recovery - and both of us work on multi-issues. Boundaries, codependency - and he alcoholism, me al-anon. So many of those cross over and we've developed a great sense of humor over it.
But I see so many still caught in that other side - the painful, confusing, difficult to make decisions side. All I can say is keep coming back, keep working through this, don't give up. One day you will look back and actually be glad you went through it because it forced you to strengthen yourself.
The basic bare bones part you need to remember is to stay focused on what YOU NEED. This past weekend I took time for me, 5 hours out of very limited "kid free time" I get with my RBF. And for a second I felt a twinge of worry and then I just said "but I need this, this makes me so happy and I need it". And when I texted him to say "I'll be 2 hours late" he said "you just have fun".
I've never had that in my life. And if he didn't respond well to it, well then I'd be re-thinking because that time I get to ride my horse is my soul time. No one gets to take that away from me. And he's got things he does for soul time including his meetings and I'll never take that from him.
And the times we finally get to be together are better because we've filled our cup and we have more than enough left over.
So feed your soul, take care of your needs, focus on what you want. It's awkward and difficult in the beginning, but in the end, there is sanity and peace. It takes time. 5 years for me felt like forever and I'll always have to keep focused on it because my natural response is to lose me and take care of everyone else.
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Thank you for sharing! I just wanted to say that I had horses while growing up and barrel raced and rode Western. I miss my horses. My AH is allergic to horses so my trips to visit my mom in VA are my horsey time, LOL! She has only 1 horse now and he doesn't get rode anymore but he's like a dog. We walk into the pasture and he rests his head on your shoulder like he's trying to be a part of the conversation and he follows us around like a puppy! We run along the fence line and he chases us, whinnying the whole way. His name is Shilo and he's an Arabian Quarterhorse mix.
So nice that you have a supportive man who gives you the freedom to be who you need to be!
I am battling my short comings to learn to take care of my needs this time of reprogramming is hard and some times i forgt. BUT I am getting better and moving in the right direction thanks to al anon.
My addiction is fixing and neglecting self so the cure is to mind my own business and learn how to love and care for myself- there could be worse cures. people say recovery becomes fun at first it is hard work and I feel like I am in the middle of cleaning house but I know on the other side I will be shinny, happy and proud.
Something about horses just gets under your skin and you're never the same! Barrel racing - I messed around with that a bit but was far too clumsy LOL. Wish I could have learned - it was definitely fun! Glad you can at least go play with a horse at your mom's.
By the way... not trying to stir up anything but I am allergic to dogs, cats and horses. And I've owned all 3. You build a tolerance to them unless it's severe. My allergy to cats is the highest but I can live with a cat I own just fine. I was having an allergic reaction to this horse about the first 5 times I went out, now it's over
I'm glad it was encouraging to some, and I like Tracy how you call it reprogramming - that is so completely true. And the process is just ugly. It comes as second nature to ignore ourselves, so learning to stop it requires a great deal of effort. It's a never ending process but you do get to the point where it's not nearly the struggle it started as.
For me now I find the process is recognizing new things I need to work on - which is generally a result either of feedback from others, or as I get through one thing, another comes up! And then paying attention because slipping back for me is easy.
I honestly spent 40 years of my life thinking I would never truly be happy. But now I know it wasn't true and I'm thankful I got here!
