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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Why? Because s/he's an alcoholic.
Post Info TOPIC: Why? Because s/he's an alcoholic.
Dolly Llama


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Why? Because s/he's an alcoholic.
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This has been on my heart and mind lately and hope it will help someone else.  It helped me.

When my mind starts spinning with the why's and why not's...I answer myself, "Because he's an alcoholic."  Four little words that I struggle to accept or understand at times, but all the truth I need.  Repeating this to myself, almost like a mantra, somehow the honesty in those words calms me and I feel my heart opening.  It allows me to feel the compassion for him in his disease, compassion for myself, and the detachment to keep my serenity and stay in the moment.

Why hasn't he called?  Because he's an alcoholic.

Why did he call?  Because he's an alcoholic.

Why did he do that, why didn't he do this?  Because he's an alcoholic.

Why did he say those things?  Because he's an alcoholic.

What is he doing right now?  Probably some alcoholic stuff.

This reality, that my AH is under the grips of this disease, is something I have to remind myself of.  I do not have that disease, by the grace of God, so I tend to forget.  I forget it consumes and dictates his thoughts and words and actions...I forget that the disease is fatal if left untreated.  I also forget I can still love and care about him, from a distance.


Thanks for listening.



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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
Pushka


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Hugs Dolly,

Thank you so much for this share I really needed it today!!

Hugs p :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Debilyn


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I sure relate when I learned here that addiction was a disease,I totally saw my AH differently. Was ez to be compassionate, ez to say to others, he is very, very sick.

And when I needed a break I did it lovingly and did not feel bad about it, didn't have to be a stomping out or running away.

Dolly it also made me even more compassionate about our homeless and inmates and convicts who are addicts.

It made me stay ever so much longer with him. Even right now I feel so sad for the wonderful man that we lost. grampa, father, husband, son, friend,veteran,musician, carpenter, electrician,animal lover......

thank you dolly, love,debilyn



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"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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Dolly Llama


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I spent a lot of time on why, too. I still slip. It took me ages to accept the totality of alcoholism. (Or any drug addiction for that matter.) I wanted so badly to find another answer, a way around that truth. I still struggle with it, to be honest. But not as much as I used to.

I remember something my ex-AH shared with me when we were just friends. His dream for retirement was to have enough money to live in a hotel room somewhere overseas, buy a crate of vodka, a sack of cocaine, weed, a couple of prostitutes, and spend his last year or two in a drugged out haze. He wasn't even kidding. But I thought he was. How could someone want that for their life? Well, because he's an alcoholic (and addict-at-large). Gosh, it's hard to understand.

I have so much respect for those who have chosen recovery rather than giving their lives over to their addiction. What courage and strength that takes...


(edited because I can't spell!)



-- Edited by Dolly Llama on Tuesday 22nd of May 2012 02:03:57 PM

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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
orchidlover


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I spent a lot of time on Why.  I never got to your point of wisdom. I do now that I have a much much boundaried position around alcoholics and addicts certainly absolutely expect them to behave like addicts.  But I didn't get them without a lot of boundaries.

Maresie.



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orchid lover
sookie


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I can use this tool immediately! Thanks.



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